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Video: Does He or She Deserve YOU?

Watch this empowering video and take it into your heart. You will already know your answer – the best thing you can do is follow through with your truth in action.

Barbara's Videos Relationship Videos

Video: How to Be Treated Like a Queen

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Living a Life Without Drama or Fear

By Barbara Rose, PhD

Living a life without any drama or fear has required a great deal of preparation, follow through, certainty, self love, having a fully awakened consciousness by receiving answers from God whenever I felt unsure or afraid, along with going with the flow – rolling with life’s sudden challenges.

Here are some tips that will hopefully help YOU so your life is free of drama and fear.

Stay far away from anyone with negative energy. People who gossip, have mass chaos in their lives on a continuous basis – these are the people to view with loving compassion while you simultaneously avoid them like the plague.

Having a zero tolerance for abuse. This means that the first degrading comment is the last time you interact with this person. If you prefer to be abused then continuing with contact will continue to bring you the abuse that erodes your self worth and your soul. It causes uncertainty, lack of self assurance and a great lack of self esteem. You decide which way you prefer and go with that.

When life brings sudden challenges, doing a writing by asking God (by whatever name you personally use) what this is all about and asking for the next best steps to take, what to do and what to NOT do – really asking from the bottom of your heart will bring you the answers as the words flow into your mind. This is how every human being receives guidance and answers from God. It feels pure, loving, and most of all it brings you the higher perspective that you may have never considered that causes a huge shift in your consciousness. Some people may refer to this as seeing the blessing in disguise.

Never, EVER say another negative word about yourself to others, and about yourself TO yourself within your own mind. This has to stop NOW. As you consciously STOP ALL NEGATIVE SELF TALK you will notice that your view of self will begin to transform once you REPLACE the negative view you have about yourself with the good qualities you have within based on your observable actions. You might want to take this a step further, as I did this process for two years two decades ago. The process is called the “mirror dialogue” and it is outlined in my book Individual Power.
All you need to do is look at yourself in front of a mirror (which may feel really uncomfortable) and tell yourself three good qualities you have based on YOUR OBSERVABLE ACTIONS.

For example, you held the door open for an elderly person walking into the store. Three good qualities that action displays are kindness, helpful, and compassionate. So you look at yourself and say, “When you held the door open for the elderly person today that was really kind, helpful and compassionate. THAT’S IT. Do this two times a day for two years. Notice your self esteem and your view of self transform. The time will come when there is no way you would EVER say another negative thing about yourself to anyone, including you.

Sometimes life just happens. Sometimes it is not pleasant. Many times it creates great fear. Roll with it. There are hidden blessings of new positive growth that may well result from a temporary negative experience. I have learned the most as a result of my greatest challenges, and boy did I have a huge list of challenges! HOW I learned the most was when I asked God for the higher perspective. I asked WHY this, whatever it was, was happening. I, even recently have logged on to my own website to read the information I brought through a long time ago about “surrender”. If you type that word in the search box on the upper right side of the home page the article will pop up. You may want to give that article a read as well. It really helped me!

Create within your mind your IDEAL picture of you and how you really want to live your life. Get specific – SUPER specific. The more detailed of a picture you created within your own mind about your ideal you will start to send out energy that attracts what you hold within your mind to you. The universe does it automatically. So there is no need to worry!

Worry is one of the worst things you can do. It is your imagination creating all kinds of possible scenarios that scare you and disempower you.

The flip opposite of worry is to live ONLY in this now moment. Every single time you notice you are feeling unsettled inside, take a moment to stop yourself and ask yourself what is going through your mind. Oh, it’s worrying about how everything is going to turn out! Now, take a few deep breaths, and pull your conscious focus right into this NOW moment. Look at anything in front of you and tell yourself this is the ONLY moment you need to be focused on. You will make your decisions as they are facing you in the NOW moment. This is more empowering than putting yourself through the ringer with imagined possibilities that are NOT in your current moment reality.

By keeping your conscious focus on RIGHT NOW you will bring yourself something called inner peace. The fears are GONE. There is NO drama at all. It may take a lot of conscious effort to continuously pull your focus into this now moment until your consciousness transforms and you are ONLY living in this now moment. Every time you stop the imagined fears, take three deep breaths and bring your focus into NOW. After some time doing this you WILL notice that you NO LONGER WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE! Wouldn’t that be nice?

Pay close attention to how you feel inside. Become aware of what you are feeling and do ONLY that which you prefer.

Become consciously aware of the inner guidance you receive – that “still small voice” that guides you from within. THAT is God, not Aunt Edna. Pay ATTENTION to the inner guidance you receive and MOST IMPORTANTLY FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT IN YOUR ACTIONS. Every time you do not you, just like me, will want to kick yourself. Every time you actually pay attention to the sudden inner guidance you are receiving you, just like me, will be SO GLAD!

Your guts will NEVER steer you in the wrong direction! The energy you pick up from others, or a gut feeling that does not feel entirely positive, all green lights go, means that you are to move AWAY from what feels uncomfortable or uncertain. ONLY follow through with what feels entirely life renewing to you on the inside and your external reality will yield excellent results.

Remain true to yourself at ALL times. Pay close attention to what feels true and right to you and what does not. ONLY follow through with what feels true, right, light and easy inside.

As a result of all of the above, you will notice that you no longer feel fearful or insecure. Feelings of dread will vanish. Feelings of certainty and CONFIDENCE will take it’s place. There is only ONE way you will EVER feel supreme confidence – and this is by following through with what feels right to you and leave skid marks when sopmething or someone feels “off” to you. If you ever feel uneasy but cannot come up with a logical explanation – that’s OKAY you don’t have to. Just MOVE AWAY from any person or situation that does not feel like all green lights go. This guidance can actually save your life, and I mean this with all seriousness.

If you have relatives or friends that try to give you advice, people who doubt you, anyone who puts you down, but if they are someone like a relative that you for whatever reason may need to be in contact with this person – speak to them about domestic chores the next time they ask you how things are. Say, “Good, no complaints!” If they prod further tell them about how you are cleaning out your closet, and how you are organizing your dresser drawers. Let them know that, “it’s amazing how quickly dust accumulates.” I’m dusting more.

I PROMISE you that after a while when you have completely STOPPED TELLING THEM YOUR BUSINESS and only speak about domestic chores, and never again complain about your life, they will no longer have anything to advise you on because you will have completely stopped feeding them information!

ONLY share your personal business with people who are entirely SUPPORTIVE of you on every level! You may have to allow old friendships that no longer serve you to flow out of your life. You may need some guidance. Follow the process of asking God for the guidance you need. You will be happy receiving the answers. If ever you are not sure you can take an intensive on this topic of receiving answers from God to fully awaken your Higher Consciousness.

Awakening is the flip opposite of dark, scary, uneasy, insecure, pressured, and uncertain. Awakening is your birthright. This is HOW life is transformed. I’m here to serve you and help you with this process if you need it. I don’t have “problems” or drama or any fear. I want to see you feeling this same way – filled with new awareness about the positive actions you can take starting immediately.

Remember always to go with what feels true and right to you and you can never go wrong.

© Copyright 2013, 2017 Barbara Rose, PhD All Right Reserved.

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What Healthy Relationships REALLY Look Like


1. What does a healthy relationship look like?

2. What do I do if I love someone and they keep hurting me?

3. What do I do if I love someone and they don’t want to commit to me?

4. How do I know if someone is right for me?

5. What do I do if my boyfriend only wants to see me when he drinks?

6. How can I help to heal the wounds of someone I love?

7. What kind of standards should I have in a relationship?

8. What do I do when I don’t feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else?


1. What does a healthy relationship look like?

A healthy relationship is based first and foremost on trust. It stems from both people being authentic, genuine, caring about themselves and the other person. There is mutual respect, and appreciation. There is an expressed desire from both people to be in the relationship, and for it to flourish. You would never do to the other what you would not want them to do to you, in any manner, and in any way. Both people are there for each other during difficult times. If there is a disagreement, it is discussed openly and honestly so that you can come to a mutually agreeable solution. There is compromise and acceptance from each person for the other, but never at the expense of your dignity.

Each person knows they are safe to bring up anything that they are not happy about, so that it can be worked out and not fester into more than it really is.

All healthy relationships require personal emotional and psychological health, as well as sobriety. How can you really get to know someone when they are intoxicated? You can’t! So it is vital that you are both straight and sober if you want authenticity and clear communication to resolve any matter that may come up.

A healthy relationship stems from both people being open and willing to discuss anything. There is no avoidance, punishment, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, or ill intentions.

There is sexual chemistry that is expressed in a loving and healthy manner, so that you can really make love to the one you are with, from your heart, and have fun while you’re at it.

It is based on intellectual and spiritual compatibility, shared ethical standards, and a common bond based on love that will endure any difficult time.

Healthy relationships take work on both parties. They do not just “magically happen” and stay “happy forever after.” Each person has to show that they want the relationship to work, and they work hard by authentically communicating – that is the key – it is healthy communication, combined with all of the above. If you’ve got someone like this in your life, and you love them, then you’ve found a gem!

2. What do I do if I love someone and they keep hurting me?

Are you a doormat or a human being? If someone keeps hurting you, first you can discuss it with them, and let them know what they did, how you feel, and what you would prefer. If they then change their actions and never do that again, that is fantastic! However, if they keep saying “I’m sorry” and keep repeating their hurtful actions the only thing you can do is leave.

You did not choose to come into this life to put up with abuse in any form. If you are not being respected enough, then it’s time you respected yourself enough to walk, permanently.

When someone really loves you, they will do what it takes to keep you in their life. If they are mistreating you, then you have to ask yourself one serious question: “Is this what I really want?” If the answer is “no, but…” then the only one you are bullshitting is yourself.

The more self-love you have, the more of a zero tolerance you will have for bullshit. It takes a LOT of guts to take an inner stand, and show it in your actions, for yourself on the outside. You are not a toy, or a person that has to walk on eggshells to wonder what is coming next.

If you can forgive the other person, and forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated less than the way you deserve, then you can walk away without bitterness, and with your head held up high. You can be honest, and the most important honesty is in your actions. If you threaten to leave the relationship, but you never do after repeated mistreatment, then the only one you are really hurting is yourself. You deserve to be treated exactly the way you would treat someone else.

This means that the relationship is equal and reciprocal. Anything less than that is far less than you deserve, and you will meet someone else that can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Never settle!

3. What do I do if I love someone and they don’t want to commit to me?

You date other people, and live your own life to its fullest, and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone that DOES want it all with you.

Real love never dies. You can love someone and still live a full life. You can love someone and not be together. You can love many people in your life, and still be good to them. But to place yourself “on hold” and not even give yourself the chance to meet someone else is perpetual agony.

You can’t make someone want to commit to you, or play games either, because they never work. Be really honest with yourself and ask yourself if the person ever let you know that they didn’t want to get too involved. If they let you know, then that is your answer. It might hurt, however, if you are getting the truth, you can’t change someone’s truth.

Imagine if someone was in your life and you really didn’t want to commit to them. They would simply have to accept that and keep in living their own life. That is really all you can do, and the most important part of it all is how passionate you are about your own life! If you are with someone to fill a void within yourself, that void will never be filled! YOU have to fill the inner void you feel with all you are passionately absorbed in. Discover your life purpose. The person can be a PART of your life, not your central and universal focus. There is a BIG difference.

Love YOURSELF enough to really LIVE, and swing the doors WIDE open to meet someone that DOES want to be with you. If the feeling is mutual, and you are communicating, sharing interests, and really being there for each other, that is a LOT better than keeping yourself on the sidelines hoping that maybe someday the person will change their mind.

Get on with your life, and have some faith that certain people enter our lives for profound reasons. Many times it is a lesson in self worth, self value, and self love. The ONLY way anyone will have the capacity to love you wholeheartedly is when they love THEMSELVES wholeheartedly.

There is nothing you can do to “fix” that, You can only heal within your own self, and that is exactly what you deserve to do.

4. How do I know if someone is right for me?

Do you love their company? Can you talk to them about anything in the universe? Can you tell them things you would never tell anyone else? Is there real passion in bed? Do you share similar values and interests? Do you respect each other? Can you be real friends? Are you there for each other during times of need? Do you know each other’s family and friends? Are you EACH showing each other in your ACTIONS that “this is it”? If you answered yes to those questions, and you can really communicate, then you are with someone that is right for you. How fantastic!

5. What do I do if my boyfriend only wants to see me when he drinks?

You have two options, because this is YOUR choice.

Option One: You can receive many mixed messages from induced intoxication, and receive even more mixed messages during those sober moments, resulting in much confusion and pain – Or:

Option Two: You can realize that you are with an active alcoholic, and if they do not want to get help, then the only thing you can do is open the door for someone that can give you clear and sober messages all of the time, and create a relationship with a person that loves themselves too much to destroy themselves in front of your eyes.

Alcoholism is a permanent, life-long disease.

Either you are with a drunk, or you are with a person that is sober, period. It’s like being with a person that’s a little bit pregnant. Either they are, or they are not.

If the person does go to get help at an anonymous meeting place, and is in active treatment to heal, then by all means, if you love them, support them, forgive them, and be there for them, as long as they are being there for themselves!

If the person refuses to get help, and remains a drunk, then your only chance for sanity is to GET OUT of the relationship, so that you CAN have a sober and sane relationship with someone that has the capacity to give this to you.

Give the person their choice. Allow them to make the choice for themselves. You have no right to try to force anyone to do anything that they do not want to do – including heal. You, however, must make the choice for your own sanity, emotional and psychological health, and really get honest with yourself.

It is deeply painful to be with someone that is a drunk. It is even more painful when they won’t do anything about it.

It is life renewing when they DO do something about it, and get the help that they need.

This is a process of deep self-discovery, and requires a LOT of patience on your part to be there for them during a most difficult process.

You can only have a sane and healthy relationship with someone that is sane and healthy. Please remember that!

6. How can I help to heal the wounds of someone I love?

The ONLY way you can help to heal the wounds of someone you love, is when they are really trying to heal themselves.

You cannot “save” or “fix” anyone, anymore than someone else can save or fix you.

We ALL have inner work to do, or we wouldn’t be here in Earth School. There is not one person alive that does not have issues to heal, unless they have really healed them in this lifetime.

If someone is deeply wounded, you can love them, and accept them, however NEVER at the expense of your safety and self worth.

So if someone had a terrible childhood, and they are hitting you, then you MUST GET OUT of this relationship – because this is ABUSE.

If someone has difficulty communicating their emotions, then you can understand. There is no such thing as “the perfect person.” Everyone has flaws, everyone.

It is the DEGREE of the flaws, and how it is impacting your life, as well as how committed the person is to you in the relationship.

If you are committed to each other, and there is a deep love, then be loving and supportive, always.

If they are using their troubled youth as an excuse to cause abuse and harm to you, then they are just living a life of excuses and doing nothing to really be there for you. So is this what you want? The choice will always be yours.

If someone is actively really working on themselves, and you are not in danger, and you are in a real relationship, then be towards them how you would like them to be towards you.

If you are being mistreated, abused, lied to, cheated on, then you are not being in a real relationship – you are being a real doormat!

Heal your OWN wounds, and then as you grow with more self-love, you will see the difference in what you will and will not tolerate. Always be true to yourself – this is the only way you can ever have the capacity to be true to someone else.

7. What kind of standards should I have in a relationship?

Each person is different, and each person has preferences that they absolutely could not live with, or without in a relationship.

Ask what yourself what you are really looking for in a person, and how you really want to be treated. Ask yourself what really matters to you, and what is not so important.

For example: Some people “must” be with someone that is intellectually deep and stimulating, where someone else would absolutely abhor intellectual conversations and intellectual stimulation.

Some people love food, a lot, and want a partner that also loves food, cooking, eating out, etc. Where someone else really doesn’t care that much about making food a central part of their lives, and would rather read a book.

I firmly believe that when we are whole inside, have self value, feel self love, and know what WE are all about, THEN we can easily attract a great partner that is our EQUAL.

It all boils down to your preferences. There may be certain things someone may do, like leave the entire toilet seat up when you like it down. Can you live with that? Some people couldn’t care less, and some people are fanatical about that.

Then there are character traits that can fall in the “must have” “must not have” and “can live with” area – even if it drives you nuts at times. Some people are more impulsive, and some are more methodical. One is not “better” than another, they are just different, and really can cause a bit of frustration. However, they CAN be lived with, as long as there is acceptance and tolerance in differences in character traits.

Some people love to travel, and “must” have a person in their life that also loves to travel a lot, and often, while another person may just like a get-a-way once in a while.

Your list of standards in what you desire in a life partner must be solely based on your truth. This way you can really have a blast, go through ups and downs, and still be in love when all is said and done, because it was based on truth the entire time, and that is something that will endure for eternity.

8. What do I do when I don’t feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else?

If you don’t feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else, that is because you have not yet fell in love with yourself first!

It is time for you to really take a good hard look inside of your heart, and up-root every untruth you have ever been told, every lie you ever bought into about yourself, and every insult that you have ever called yourself, and replace that with pure self-love, without an outward condition attached to it.

When you can really feel your own value, and you can appreciate all of the good that you really are, THEN you will feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else, without the fear that you will somehow be consumed, controlled, or lose your self completely.

No one can ever control or consume you, unless you allow them to do so. Start to allow yourself to slowly feel the love you have inside, and take tiny steps to show that on the outside. Once you see that the world is still the same, and you are actually safe, then you can take another step with more confidence.

You can only give what you have inside, so it is not so much that you are not comfortable being in love with someone else, as it is that you have not been comfortable really loving YOU.

True love for Self does NOT come from ego. Self hate comes from ego. So it is a valuable lesson to love every part of your being – especially the parts you want to disown. It is important to view ALL of you as worthy, and not just certain parts of you. There are many people that have many different challenges in life. Some physical, some emotional. However, each one is an inherently special and precious spiritual/human being – including you!

Once you re-train your mind to view yourself with more love and acceptance, then you will more easily and comfortably be able to show this to someone else in return.

© Copyright 2012 by Barbara Rose, PhD All rights reserved.

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How to Attract the Best Relationship

You have to be your own anchor in a relationship. You must be there for yourself no matter what happens.

You can only attract the person of your dreams when you know precisely what your standards are.

Being desperate is not an admirable quality. It is weak and is prime bait for an abuser.

When someone knows you truly have a zero tolerance for abuse, you can much more easily attract a partner who also would never even consider being abusive. This is completely possible. My husband is this way because I was equally so strict with what I would desire and what I would never tolerate.

When you are crystal clear on the type of person you would consider sharing your life with you must be that same person on the inside. Do you want a partner who is desperate and cannot live without a relationship? No, good, I didn’t think so.

How do you turn a lifetime of low self esteem around?

First you must know the qualities that are in need of transformation and then you must be willing to use all of your inner resolve to be true to the real you that you are now becoming.

© Copyright 2012 Barbara Sherry Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved.

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Verbal Abuse in Relationships and What to Do About It


Verbal Abuse in Relationships and What to Do About It
By Barbara Rose, PhD

I decided to include this chapter about abuse because most women who feel “less than,” most women who do not feel whole, radiant, or supremely confident are being abused.

Are you? I am going to describe the most common forms of abuse, and then I am going to ask you to write down how this may pertain to you. The writing will greatly help you see what may be blocking you from coming into wholeness. The abusive words and behaviors that come from another may be undermining you more than you realize.

Perhaps they are not coming to you now, but they might have in the past. Perhaps abuse is imposed on you every day, and you accept it because you believe this is just the way the imposer is; you keep the status quo out of a deep fear of being alone, without a partner, or without the material comfort or convenience you may receive from the imposer. But abuse in all forms erodes your self-worth and confidence. It is poison to radiance, toxic to wholeness, and lethal to supreme confidence.

Here are the signs of abuse. If they pertain to you, just know one thing: this is your opportunity to spot the signs and learn how to get out of the abuse.

Verbal, Mental, and Emotional Abuse

I am going to guide you step by step so you can see how all forms of abuse can only undermine the wholeness, radiance, and supreme confidence you really want to feel. It is my deepest hope that you not only embrace what I am about to tell you, but that you also find the courage to take personal responsibility for your well-being on all levels.

Verbal Abuse

Let’s say you’ve put on a few pounds, or even 20 or 30, and your partner makes a snide remark: “Putting on some extra weight there, Hon; better get to the gym.” I call that remark verbal abuse. It does not feel good. It feels demeaning. When a remark feels demeaning, it is demeaning. And this is verbal abuse.

Do not make excuses for observations. The one you love can “observe” that you are getting greyer, more wrinkled, less toned. The list could go on.

What matters is that you deserve to have someone in your life who loves and accepts you just as you are, weight, grey hair, wrinkles, and all.

Now, suppose you say, “Boy, I’m really gaining weight.” And your partner answers, “Yep, but we all do sometimes. I love you for who you are, not the number on the scale.” That is an unconditionally loving partner.

Do you see the difference? I could write an entire book about abuse, but I want to get straight to the point so you notice what abuse is.

Verbal abuse consists of comments that cause you to feel “less than.” They cause you to have that sinking feeling in your stomach, that feeling of betrayal, hurt, depression, sadness, and grief.

When you notice that you are being abused–verbally or otherwise–you, my dear sister, have two choices: (1) you can keep allowing it to happen, which will cause you to feel even less than you have ever felt in the past; or (2) you can ask the abusive person to completely stop. If he or she does stop, this is fantastic. If he or she doesn’t stop, then you are going to have to summon up all of your inner truth, all of your real feelings about the verbal abuse you receive each day, and walk out of this person’s life.

If you have asked the abusive person to stop many times and nothing has changed, nothing will change. The abusive person will not stop just because you ask again. People who tell you to understand the abuser and to remain in the abusive situation seriously need to reconsider their statements. I would never guide you to take abuse or to tolerate it, not even for a few minutes.

Verbal abuse comes in the form of snide remarks, put-downs, insults, degrading comments, forceful demands, controlling tones, and harsh words.

As a woman who wishes to feel whole and complete on the inside so that your inner glow shows on the outside, you must leave the abusive situation. There is no other way.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved. Chapter excerpt reprinted with permission from the book Know Yourself: A Woman’s Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence. (Rose Group ,January 2006) ISBN: 0974145734

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