It’s not a “soul mate” that you want to attract. It’s an incredible partner that adores you on all levels. Take the myth that a soul mate is a perfect person out of your mind. There is no “perfect person.” … Continue reading
By Barbara Rose, PhD
Some soul mate couples refuse to grow. They refuse to resolve each of their core issues, which are the true sources of their personal pain. As a result, those soul mates are lost to each other for this life. This is a sad choice for both of them.
And then there are the others, and I do hope you are one of them, who consciously choose to say: No matter how long it takes, I will heal within, and I know that as long as I put forth a grain of effort each day, eventually I will walk the sands of the most peaceful beach with my true match by my side.
Which do you choose?
It is only your choice.
For if one of the soul mates chooses to grow and the other does not, they must part. Spiritual, universal law forbids that one soul mate may evolve and remain with the other if the other chooses not to evolve. That is the only reason many soul mates do not share the remainder of their lives together.
But they never forget each other. They long for each other, and they yearn and cry for each other in the dark of night when not another soul sees their tears.
The struggle to grow is scary; it is not easy, yet it can and must be done. It will be done. No matter how many lifetimes it takes, eventually you will choose to grow.
After all, what is being asked of you is what you have actually asked the other to come into your life for: To stand by your side and be there for you, so you know that there is one special soul who is there for you always and in all ways; to comfort you when you feel afraid; to be your best friend when the rest of the world turns its back; to challenge you to be your best even as you are loved and accepted you when you display your worst.
This is a gift. This is rare. Yet this is what you are entitled to, for you have chosen to grow. You have chosen to heal, and you have done so for important reasons.
Did you ever look within and actually feel afraid of your own individual power? Did you ever truly know, somehow, somewhere, that there is something you came into this life to do, something so beyond the ordinary expressions of individuality of the masses on this planet that you turned away, turned away from your very self?
And when you met your true match, did you see that your soul mate also has an inherent gift for humanity that is unlike most of the masses inhabiting the planet? Did you consider that, like you, your soul mate was at one time afraid of his own power, his own potential – and needed the unconditional acceptance and support of his true match? Did you consider that, to feel secure, he needed to turn to the only one who could understand him and be supportive when the rest of the masses simply could not relate to him?
That is why I say that only about two percent of human beings are actually with their true soul mates in this life now. These are the people who, although not better than the others, have more to contribute to and for the others. They do not have many friends because there is not another except their soul mate to whom they can truly relate.
When you meet your soul mate, you recognize a quality, gifts, potentials, and contributions to humanity and to this universe that the vast majority of others cannot fathom, nor would they care to.
You have chosen to meet to support each other, to be the best friend, the one who understands. You can show every side of yourselves to each other, and it will always be perfectly all right. Soul mates cannot deceive or hide from each other because they can see right through each other.
Your soul mate feels your energy. You communicate on a spiritual level that is difficult to describe; you have an innate, intuitive, psychic connection.
You “know” the other, but your knowing is much more than an understanding; as rational as you try to make it all, you cannot come up with any logical explanation.
On the spiritual, nonphysical side, where your souls exist, your higher selves, you see the colors in your energy patterns change, and this is communicated to you in your physical life. This concept is still too foreign at this point in human evolution for most people to understand. To put it simply, your spiritual selves “see” what you are going through.
In this physical world, when you look at the face of the one you know and love, you can often tell from their expression what they are thinking or how they are feeling. It is the same in the nonphysical side, only it happens with energy patterns of light and color.
So you cannot fool one another. Your growth has to be genuine. As you grow, you feel better about yourself. You also see that your perfect match is right there, has never left your side and never will, as long as you continue to grow, even if only one grain at a time.
* The grander purpose of the soul mate reunion.
As the grains of sand accumulate, the higher or grander purposes of the union with your soul mate become more obvious to you both.
You realize – although you may try to look away, afraid of the light on the path you have chosen to take – that those reasons are, in fact, your truest reasons for coming into this life. You realize that you are more than your own personal challenges and growth efforts; you are your essence, and your essence is here on Earth at this precise time and place because it is needed. You are needed, together.
If you look closely, as you would under a microscope, you will see that one half of the soul cannot ever achieve, contribute, or bring forth the results it can when both halves are combined. You are distinct in each of your roles; distinct in each of your vast talents and abilities; yet, you share a common vision. Only when your efforts are combined will you succeed in achieving the purposes you strive to attain.
How can you bake bread without water? How can you bake bread without flour? The flour and water must be combined.
Analogously, each soul mate carries the substance that, when combined with the other, produces the results which shall contribute to this universe the very reasons why you each chose to be born into this life.
Evolution may appear to be simple, but it is actually quite complex, involving billions of years and billions of energies all working together for the creation of the greater good. Even so, you and your soul mate, combined, are an important part of the evolution of the human species. One soul is no better than another. Every human being is needed to help the species progress.
When you turn away from your own growth, all of humankind pays a great price. As you recognize this, after denial, after trying to run, after all of this nonsense, you say inwardly, “I can’t lie to myself anymore, I can’t run away anymore, because I know I will regret it all the days of my life.”
So you decide to be all you came into this life to be, to be the dearest and best friend to your soul mate; for who other than the one who shares your same energy could better understand your every nuance?
You agree now that you have a purpose. Your first purpose is to grow and heal individually. Only then will your larger purpose will be made real. The path shall be very clear. There will be no ambiguity for either of you. You will each know what you are here on this Earth to do. You will each clearly see how perfectly your purposes blend.
You will also come to feel a deep appreciation of how special and rare it is to find a true friend, to have someone in your life whose hand you can always hold no matter what life brings. Their solitude shall always bring you solitude of your own; their comforting and smiles shall bring you warmth; and their bodies shall always feel as soft and as comfortable as your own skin.
This is the bliss of the soul mate reunion. This is the paradise, the gift, of living in a physical life, creating your own heaven on Earth, as you reach deep within to unleash and finally clear the negativity that previously held you back, the negativity you have surely outgrown.
You will find that neither of you will allow the other to give up, give in, or settle for being less than your very best.
Yes, you can have bad moods. Yes, you may act like two year olds and throw temper tantrums, but as people with responsibility toward yourselves and ultimately toward the advancement of humanity, you will not permit each other to grow complacent or languish in laziness.
So you may find that each of you will always be eager to show the other all you are doing, and this brings joy and excitement into your relationship.
When you stop running, you find freedom and true inner peace.
There is that old saying, “You can run, but you cannot hide.”
You may run from your soul mate, you may run from the knowledge of your potential and the inherent gifts you chose to be born into this life to give, but you cannot hide from them. They will always exist within your heart, your mind, and your conscience; and the day will come – perhaps on your last day on this Earth, perhaps this evening – the day will come when you will know who you are, who your soul mate really is, and why you are here. Imagine the joy and exuberance that await you as you come out of hiding, when you stop running, when you look beside you and see your treasure, your gift, the one person who will never let you down. The one person who sees, who knows, who accepts all of you, who shares so much of you. That one person patiently waits for you to allow your best to flow from your being, waits for you to be who you really are.
Just pure you.
This is freedom.
This is a gift.
This is your gift to humanity and to this universe: to be you, and to treasure every moment. Release the fear. Be free. Hold nothing back. As you and your soul mate see each other, you recognize how fortunate you are to be able to journey through this life together, for as you know, there are only a few souls to whom you can truly relate. When you have found one another, be glad, and then be all you came here to be. Be yourself, and your soul mate will remain by your side, still doing his own work, in his own way, expressing his own individuality.
The dynamic of the soul mate union works this way:
His issues trigger your growth.
Your growth then challenges him to grow.
Your inner peace must come from your own individual healing, not from the healing of your soul mate. Your peace comes from within. It is from within each of your souls that your deepest truths and life purposes must be revealed, expressed, accepted, understood, and nurtured – first by yourself and then by your soul mate. Once your truths come to the surface, you will find that the love and bond you share will sustain you through the difficult process of individual growth and healing. As you achieve the personal healing of your deepest growth issues, you will feel inner peace. Then, together, you will experience the treasured bliss of the soul-mate union. After all of the turmoil, you will look back and realize that the process was necessary for healing, so you could, in fact, remain together and once again create your own heaven on Earth.
© Copyright 2001, 2003, 2011 by Barbara Rose, All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life. Published by The Rose Group (2003) ISBN: 097414570X.
Society’s current conception of the term “soul mate”
is completely contrary to what the term really means.
Imagine two gallons of water taken from the Atlantic
Ocean. Both gallons consist of the same energy because
they were both part of the same ocean. Yet each gallon will
have its own experience separate from the other.
Now imagine a soul in the nonphysical realm that
chooses to experience different aspects of itself by inhabiting
two different people. Those people consist of the same
energy as that one soul: they are soul mates.
Most people on planet Earth do not meet their true soul mates;
to do so, to reach the stage where the gift of reunion
becomes manifest requires lifetimes of growth and evolution.
So far, only about two percent of the human population
have actually met their true soul mates.
When most people think of soul mates, they picture a man and woman
walking in some eternal garden of mental, emotional, and physical
paradise right here on Earth, without a day’s worry or tearful eye.
But as those who have met their soul mates will attest,
this picture of a garden of eternal, blissful paradise is anything but the truth.
Yet, once the challenges of their special union have been met successfully,
it becomes the truth.
How will you know if yours is indeed a union of soul mates? I will tell you.
How it feels to be in a union of soul mates.
From the moment you meet, there is a certain familiarity, a
knowing you cannot describe in words. In the beginning of
your relationship, you do, in fact, feel as if you were in
heaven on Earth. You feel love, a union, as if you were a perfect
match, which you are. You blend on all levels and in all
ways. You feel that you share something unique, something
mysterious yet so familiar. You understand each other instinctively, intuitively, and easily, as if you had known each other for eons, as indeed you have.
You see right through to each other’s core, and you see each other’s best.
Each of you is amazed, captivated, even overcome by the other’s energy,
intelligence, grace, and natural abilities; yet, at the same time, you see all of the other’s
weaknesses, the areas in which growth is needed. You are
not bothered by these weaknesses, however, because you
know or believe the other has what it would take to meet
these challenges and grow through them.
Your bond is akin to white on rice. You fit together hand in custom-made glove.
And, despite being so alike, you embody vast differences.
Certainly biological differences: one male, one female.
And perhaps intellectual differences: you
may be at opposite ends of the intellectual spectrum, with
one of you scientifically inclined and the other, spiritual.
Yet in your core you each carry and sustain a comfort level,
a feeling of safety and innate understanding you can never
put into words. For how can you possibly describe understanding
the very depths of one another such a short time after
your physical meeting in this life. You cannot.
It is inherent. Natural. It simply is.
And it is what you share: your souls, your energy, how in sync you are with each other, how you can sometimes finish each other’s sentences, how you have a psychic connection
that you have never experienced before. When you are together,
you do, in fact, feel you are in your own heaven, your
own paradise. You are, after all, with your true other half, so,
naturally, you feel as natural with the other and, at times, understand the other more than you understand your self. Do you know why?
Because you chose to meet in this life to grow. This is
where the challenges come into play.
How the soul-mate reunion brings profound growth and transformation.
A short while after your blissful bond becomes intense, the challenges – the true reasons why you chose to meet again and join physically in this life – come to the surface.
Surely you are not on this Earth to stagnate but to grow.
And so ruffles appear within the relationship. But the ruffles
have a purpose: they bring to your attention those areas
within that each of you must confront, work through, and ultimately heal. No one but your true soul mate could intuitively pull out from your core depths those precise areas
that need to grow and heal. Of course growth is uncomfortable; it is far easier to stagnate.
Therefore, you may find yourselves engaged in a tug of
war. You may even break up temporarily. But no matter how
hard you try, you cannot ever escape the truth of your natural
bond. That bond, made up of the energy and chemistry
you share with your soul mate, can never be broken.
Because you cannot escape the truth, you have to face it;
And when you do, you reap great rewards indeed. When you
try to deny or turn away from the reasons you chose to be
with your true match, however, you put yourself through unnecessary pain.
It is precisely those areas of growth that you are meant to confront,
through, and heal – the areas your true match has gotten you to notice
– that make you to want to run and hide.
But because you can’t hide from the truth, you begin,
slowly, to realize that yes, you do have issues, core issues that
you deserve to heal. And your soul mate sees those issues
quite clearly, but they do not bother him or her nearly as
much as they bother you. They are simply your deepest challenges;
once you meet them, they are healed. Then you experience
once again so much of that heaven on Earth the two of
you had at the beginning of your relationship.
Denying those challenges is like trying to fight the current
of a powerful river. That river is your soul, trying to
carry you home to that place of wholeness within where the
false views and perceptions of self are finally healed.
Fighting this current is fighting the course you chose in order
to heal. Meeting your soul mate is the gift that enables
you to heal those aspects of your being you have been longing to heal.
This process has been set in motion only because you
chose to meet your true other half in this life, to experience
the healed, validated, and wonderful being that you are. It is
in sharing your growth process with the one who has the
same energy you do, the one with whom you fit so perfectly,
that you are able to see that process in action. It is then that
you experience that heaven-on-earth feeling and, together,
experience the perfect fit again. The paradox is that in order
to maintain that fit, you must heal that part within which no
longer serves your evolutionary growth.
The patterns of eons past no longer fit. So, in this life,
you chose to meet the one who you knew from the beginning was
your perfect match.
Fight as you may, that truth shall always be there. And,more than you can imagine, your soul mate is rooting for you to grow. Grow through and heal the false views of self that
hinder your evolution, that cause you to stagnate unnecessarily
in a life into which you were born to live, experience, explore,
thrive, and share the essence of yourself.
You try to run, but you cannot. Your heart longs for that
one person, that one true match who understands you so and
whose love is so pure. You have known that all along. And
though you may feel you do not deserve that love, this feeling
is a fallacy. We all deserve love, soul mate or not.
So, you have challenges that you have chosen to overcome.
And there, by your side, is this person who, for some reason
you cannot understand, has not told you to go away a long
time ago. The reason is that they are a part of you. They share
your energy. They are rooting for you. Once you decide to
overcome your growth challenges, then and only then will
you receive the true bliss of the soul-mate reunion.
The price is honest work on self, removing all old, ingrained,
negative patterns that no longer serve you, so you
can finally experience the true you, the you that you have
been working to achieve for many lifetimes in your evolutionary
process. The rewards are indescribable.
Like you, your soul mate has his own issues, which you pull out from within his very core.
Every time he tries to run away from facing his responsibility to self,
to work through and heal his issues, there you pop up again.
So you are each faced with a choice.
Avoid self growth, and leave your true match behind,
never to be forgotten, always to be longed for – or face those
aspects within yourself, work on them, and heal them so
you are finally and truly free of them. Then you will have
your special and perfect match by your side for the remainder
of this life.That is the choice.
© Copyright 2005, 2012 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved.
Excerpt re-printed with permission from the book Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life © Copyright 2001, 2003, 2012 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved. Published by The Rose Group (April, 2003) ISBN-10:09741457X.
1. How do I know when I’ve met my Soul Mate?
2. If I’ve really met my soul mate, why is the relationship so difficult?
3. Why is it that many soul mates don’t stay together?
4. How can I turn the dynamics of this relationship around for lasting happiness?
5. Why do many soul mates continually return to each other?
6. How can we break old negative patterns between us?
7. If we’re apart, and miss each other, what will it take to make it work?
1. How do I know when I’ve met my Soul Mate?
There will be an instantaneous familiarity, a recognition, and an innate understanding and connection from the beginning that cannot be described logically.
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