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The Surprising Secret of Getting Love from Another


01-Ind-Power By Barbara Rose, PhD

As a self-loving person, you will recognize that you cannot, ever, make someone else love you, be good to you, be your friend, or be there for you. No matter how hard you try, and especially when you try, you cannot force love, friendship, or caring from another person.

Have you ever felt someone else wanted you to love him or her? No matter what that person did or how hard he or she tried, did it work? No. It did not.

As we all know, chemistry between two people cannot be created or destroyed. Physical chemistry is either there or it is not. But the physical relationship between two people is not the same as love.

What is this perplexing phenomenon that has plagued man and woman through the centuries? What is love? Where does it come from? It comes from being yourself. Loving yourself. Finding honor, respect, and joy in, of, and because of yourself. Love comes when you awaken your interests, passions, and joys; when you use your talents and abilities to achieve your goals; when you thrive in areas you have not yet dreamed of; when you dare to dream even more.

Love is to be your own best friend.

To need you. To depend on you,

to honor, respect, adore, obey, cherish, and love you.

That is the key!

The key is you, not the other.

If the other also loved him- or herself, there would be no insincerity, lying, manipulation, fear, jealousy, degradation, abuse, cheating, or fighting. There would be differences of opinion and differences in preference or perspective, but not war between the other and you.

There would be a sweet, magnetic chemistry. Then there would be friendship.

In this friendship between two people who love, respect, and understand themselves there would be honesty with each other. People would not hold back their real feelings because to do so would be to lie to themselves as well as to the other.

People would not stop a meaningful activity simply because someone called them for a date. The date would be set for another time. People would not be upset or jump to melodramatic, illogical conclusions just because they have not heard from a special someone for a few days. They would hope all is fine with the other person and would trust that they will be in touch when the time is right.

People would not feel they have to be with each other simply because the calendar says it’s Friday or Saturday. There would, however, be regard for each other’s feelings, and both would assume that if they would like to get together, then it would be more appropriate to make tentative plans than no plans at all.

In our society, it is no secret, no surprise at all, that when two people start to date, all kinds of expectations arise; all kinds of games are brought into play. No wonder there are so many people home alone at night. Who needs the games; who wants the insincerity? Nobody!

The key word here is “want.”

You have to want nothing.

You have to be everything, for you.

When you have grown and evolved enough to be your own dearest and best friend, and when you have grown and evolved enough to encourage another to do whatever he or she needs to do for happiness or fulfillment, that is when you can be sure the special person in your life will be the mirror image of you.

That person will play with you and challenge you to be your very best. That person will honor himself and understand his own perspective, feelings, beliefs, attitudes, principles, preferences, and desires. And that person will naturally love, honor, and understand you.

When you let go of all of the wanting, the longing, the desperation, the agonizing, and the fear, you find something wonderful and magical happens: you have it. You have love.

Stop trying; start being.

Stop doing everything to get that other person. Start being everything you want to be for you, and you will find that person will one day open his eyes and see that you are the one he’s been searching for all along.

This is what it means to let go, to move on. You don’t throw your love out the window; to the contrary, you throw out your focus on loving the other. And you fill that void with love of self.

When you see yourself

as the source of your own pleasure,

you do not need it

to come from another.

As this need vanishes, you become even more desirable than you would be if you were at another person’s beck and call.

For how can people desire that which they have, and how can they strive to attain the level of intimacy they deserve if it is given to them so freely, so easily, without having been earned?

When you work toward a mutual, beneficial relationship, you both bring and contribute your gift of self to the union. Whether it is for a day, a year, a decade, or a lifetime, each person contributes the very essence of himself or herself.

You each already know exactly where you stand, what behaviors you will accept, and which ones you will not put up with.

© Copyright 2001, 2003, 2016 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life re-printed with permission, published by The Rose Group (April 17, 2003) ISBN-10: 097414570X.

Individual PowerIndividual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life

If your life fell apart and you need to start over, this is the book that will successfully guide you into the life you truly want to live.


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How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Hurtful Relationships

By Barbara Rose, PhD

Now we are going to establish your inner truth and backbone-so you will actually feel a solid sense of self based on your truth.

ZERO Tolerance for AbuseFrom this moment on, whenever you notice any form of abusive behavior, I ask you to set a clear, definitive, and healthy boundary around yourself. Setting that boundary will allow you to move away from the source of abuse and to never allow abuse into your life again.

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How to Transform Your Life by Creating High Self Esteem

Self esteem is the foundation from which a life can be fully lived. Belief in yourself is paramount when it comes to realizing your goals and making the profound difference you came into this life to make. Self truth is the core foundation of self esteem.

If you are complaining about your life, immediately stop. Complaints will get you nowhere. In one moment, you can make the decision to create the life you really want to live. All it takes is a decision, backed by inspired action and the commitment to follow through. Remember that in the seeds of our deepest despair lies the keys to creating the transformation we want to see. Use your adverse circumstances as a springboard from which you summon the determination to turn it all around completely. No one else can do this for you. This is why you are in this life—to grow, evolve, transform, and make a difference. Start with making that difference for yourself. Then, you will feel inspired to help others who are in the shoes you were once in. Start by making that decision now.

00-0-arose  If you wish to better your life, then you must release all belief that by doing so you will be a better person. The key is in knowing that you are a supreme being just as you are and that “bettering your life” is just a means of self-expression. It is your divine expression to live according to your grandest preferences—not because it will make you better, but because you are serving as a result of discovering and expressing the best you have within you.

You are here to experience yourself, not “fix” yourself. You are not broken and you do not need to be fixed! Whoever put you down during your life lied to you.

Your outer achievements or failures never constitute your real worth as a human being. All you are comes from your heart. All you will ever be you were already born to be. It’s all inside of you, now. Take a good look into your heart and when you find the goodness that’s already there, you will know that all you need to do to feel better is to bring it out.

The people who laugh at you, the ones who ridicule you, are the precise people who do not have the courage to live up to their highest potential. View them with loving compassion while you simultaneously stop telling them your business. If there is someone in your life who is not fully supportive of you, you certainly do not need that person in your life. Start being your own greatest support system by removing yourself from unsupportive people.

011_petals_340x191 Build your self worth

Here are a few guidelines you can take from within to build your self worth, esteem, and help you bring out all your desire to be and express in your life. They are phrased in the first person to help you integrate them until you are living your truth on all levels, in all areas of your life, and genuinely feeling pure love and acceptance for yourself.

  • I remember that whether or not someone is in my life is never a reflection of me; it is merely a reflection of their preference, and I honor their preference without taking it personally and allowing it to hurt me.
  • I remember that whether I believe I can or I believe I can’t, I’m right!
  • I know that what I create in my life is an expression of what fills my heart with joy. It is never a validation of who I am, it is pure expression.
  • I know that outward status does not constitute a person’s worth. All people are equally worthy during pleasant times and unpleasant times.
  • I realize that my greatest challenges have been my greatest teachers. I have learned much from the difficulties I have been through, and I help others, even if only by sharing.
  • I create every circumstance in my life, and I do so in cooperation with others, all with pure motives.

Manifest the life you came here to live

Use the following guidelines to manifest the life you came here to live, beginning with how you view yourself.

  1. Decide. Decide how you want to feel, how you prefer to live, and how you prefer to create your life.
  2. Commit. You must commit fully to the process.
  3. Be Willing. You need to be willing to do whatever it takes with honesty, dignity, integrity, and pure motives.
  4. Let Go. This means to let go of the expectations of others, along with doubts and all negative self-talk so your passion backs your every move.
  5. Follow. Follow your truth every moment, and follow through in your actions with everything that represents your highest and deepest truth.
  6. Wait. Have patience with an ever-unfolding process and remember to enjoy the process rather than just live for an outcome.
  7. Experience. This is the last step when you actually live out and experience all you first decided upon. Remember to live completely in the now, enjoying this journey called your life.

Your creative expression is too important to stifle out of fear of what others think. Bring your creative expression out from your heart because you care that it makes a difference to your joy during the process.

Remember to listen to your body and rest when you feel tired. You can also go out for a walk in nature if you are able. Rest is so important, plus you’ll look a lot better when you’re energized and refreshed rather than run down.

While you are transforming your life, take it moment by moment so you are not just living for one goal, because that moment will come and go. Passion for all you are doing must fuel your purpose.

It’s super helpful to ask for support, such as a few tips and pointers from people who are where you would like to see yourself. While you are doing this, remember that people like when you show an interest in them. Let the person know that you would be happy to spread the word for them if they are doing something and would like to get the word out.

Being real, humble, and down to earth is a quality I’m sure you like to see in others. So remain humble, even when you do achieve success. Everyone goes through highs and lows in their life. Come from a place of, “I’ve been there and want to make a difference.” That will speak volumes to everyone. Think of the impact Princess Diana still has on the world. Her humble attitude was never cocky or status seeking. It was her heart that won the world over. There’s an old saying, “The people you meet on your way up are the same people you will meet on your way down.” This is not meant to scare or deter you, it’s just how life is—up and down, and back up again.

Whatever you are doing, never believe you have to win the approval of everyone. You do not have to explain your personal views or spiritual preferences to people who cannot relate. Simply share with people who can be supportive. If you feel negative energy from someone, move in the opposite direction. Block them on social media. Work in heart-centered cooperation with others for a win-win for all. This is so much more beneficial than so-called competition. Just do your best, and be your best, from the inside out.

A few extra pointers to help you during this process

  • Select your friends very carefully based on the goodness in their hearts, and for no other reason.
  • Admit your true feelings to yourself rather than fighting them and trying to make them go away. They are trying to tell you something you need to acknowledge and know.
  • Trust that any delay is a gift in disguise.
  • Set priorities for your daily activities according to what you feel most inspired to do.
  • Clear out any part of your life that you no longer feel excited about.
  • Remember that know you are the creator today of what your life will look like tomorrow.
  • Stay away from drama, gossip, negative people, and negative situations. Surround yourself only with people and situations that are positive, inspiring, supportive and life-giving.

Remember that no matter how successful a person may be, the truest form of success is a loving and pure heart. That is what makes the most difference. It is also priceless and eternal. Do it all with joy and you will become a true inspiration for many others.

© 2016 Barbara Rose, PhD

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By Barbara Sherry Rose, PhD

No matter what you are going through, no matter how crushing, unjust, betrayed, abused, feeling sub human, or just wanting to die – I ASSURE YOU that YOU CAN RISE AGAIN.

I’ve been through all of the above and almost took my life twice. Now looking back I’m so glad I did not die when I wanted to, and I’ll share with you why.

You see, Dear One, life has a way of working out that in the current moment when we feel like we just want to give up, as time goes by, we, both you and I learn so much, and grow so much, that on some level we needed that horrible experience to come into our greatest empowerment. You are no different from me.

We grow so much stronger from adversity, and if you’ve read any of my books they all were written from going through the deepest despair. But here’s the clincher. I did not write those books on my own (as in sitting down and trying to write a book) they were all written through me from God, by whatever name you use, to help me and you by bringing through the words as they flowed into my mind.

There is zero special ability about this process. Every person on earth has this built into them. And all you need to do is sit down, take out a paper and pen, and write for example, Dear God, please help me through this nightmare. Please give me the PERFECT words for this book (or song) so it really helps me transform this hell and can also help so many other people too. Then, say some form of thank you, and sign your name.

Then take seven deep breaths and exhale through your mouth. While you are breathing you are going to notice words flowing into your mind. START WRITING EVERY WORD and allow your handwriting to be messier than usual.

You are going to receive the Higher Perspective. You are going to receive the words that will transform how you are viewing the situation, and you, just like me, are going to have a new lease on life so you CAN RISE AGAIN!

Your tears and heartache will transform into new-found joy when you receive the Higher Perspective.


I promise you that as long as you hang in there, you will notice the difference this pure, free process makes in your life. But you have to pick up the pen and paper to do it. I know you can. and you must re-read the words you received twice so you will always be able to make out what you brought through. If for any reason you cannot hand write, you can record the words as they flow into your mind and speak them out loud into a recording device so you can then play back what you received.

My hardest life lessons became my greatest triumphs. It all DOES work out. I just want to encourage you to believe that no matter how hard this time may be, it will pass. One day you will look back in hindsight and see that there was tremendous growth, realizations, and even success as a result of all of your tears.


I have been there and if I could come through and RISE again SO CAN YOU!

Try to receive the Higher Perspective that I shared with you above. You don’t have to use the name God if you don’t believe in God, you can use whatever name you like. It’s your deep heartfelt desire for a real answer, a solution, a whole new way to view the situation that you never thought of or never considered that you CAN RECEIVE when you write the words that flow into your mind because you are asking for HELP. That is your connection – it is in your heart. I want you to receive the higher perspective so you can ALWAYS receive it at ANY TIME in your life when you are feeling a lack of inner peace, and so you are never dependent upon anyone else to receive the answers and solutions that are completely life renewing.


This world needs you and it may be that what you are going through is the greatest catalyst for incredible transformation that WILL bring you through this experience FAR BETTER than you were before. Life has a way of doing that – it is all for positive transformation.

I send you much love, even if we never met. I believe you are reading this far because you needed SOMETHING, anything, that would give you hope. I do hope with all of my heart that you know you are cared about, loved, and are a rare and precious person – even if you hate yourself, exactly like I used to.


Hang in there! YOU WILL RISE. I believe in you. Please trust that it will all work out for your highest good after all!

Sending you a Whole Lotta Love,


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Video How to Have the Highest Self Esteem

How to Have the Highest Self Esteem from Barbara Rose, PhD on Vimeo.


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It’s Not a Soul Mate You Want to Attract


It’s not a “soul mate” that you want to attract.
It’s an incredible partner that adores you on all levels.
Take the myth that a soul mate is a perfect person out of your mind.
There is no “perfect person.”
However, there is an incredible match for you when you are ready to experience authenticity on all levels.

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Relationship Insight for THE ONE


Who said you’re not fantastic?
Who told you that you aren’t special?
Who said you have nothing to offer?
They lied!
It’s all within you, and when you allow yourself To be All that you Are – you will be recognized and Appreciated by a very special person a lot like you.

Based on the Amazon Bestseller Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE

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The Biggest Turn Off

no I just got an email from some “expert” and the beginning of the message read, ____ (name of person)

is sunning himself in Tuscany. Even the greats have to recharge sometime.

Ugh! What’s up with this “even the greats”. I honestly felt nauseated. After I read that I didn’t care about what he was offering or how low his price was. I clicked delete right away.

Let me humbly share with you that when I was super insecure I would try to somehow feel “better” because deep inside I felt less than the entire human race.

why_not It does not matter WHO the person is – NO ONE is “greater” than YOU. A person’s title does not matter, their wealth certainly does not make them “more important” than you. I don’t care how many PhD’s a person has, or what awards they have won, all of that is fine and dandy, however, it does not in any way make them “better” than YOU or me, or anyone.

Our society has created some myth that one person is better than another based on external conditions. There is a saying I came across many years ago, “Be kind to the people you meet on your way up, because they will be the same people you will meet on your way down.”

That really stuck with me. And if anyone has experienced “down” it’s me. I would venture to say you may be able to relate, however, “down” is a temporary circumstance.

If you have been feeling down in life, and look at others who seem to not have a care in the world, use that as inspiration to create the very best life you truly desire to live.

yes Being “up” is a feeling we ALL deserve to experience. But there is a far greater feeling, and that is inner peace. We achieve inner peace by moving into our heart, and feeling the love that is there, then taking the next step we PREFER to take on this journey called our life.

I just wanted to share this with you and hope it helped you in any way.