How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Hurtful Relationships

By Barbara Rose, PhD

Now we are going to establish your inner truth and backbone-so you will actually feel a solid sense of self based on your truth.

ZERO Tolerance for AbuseFrom this moment on, whenever you notice any form of abusive behavior, I ask you to set a clear, definitive, and healthy boundary around yourself. Setting that boundary will allow you to move away from the source of abuse and to never allow abuse into your life again. Continue reading

Verbal Abuse in Relationships and What to Do About It

KNOW YOURSELF

Verbal Abuse in Relationships and What to Do About It
By Barbara Rose, PhD

I decided to include this chapter about abuse because most women who feel “less than,” most women who do not feel whole, radiant, or supremely confident are being abused.

Are you? I am going to describe the most common forms of abuse, and then I am going to ask you to write down how this may pertain to you. The writing will greatly help you see what may be blocking you from coming into wholeness. The abusive words and behaviors that come from another may be undermining you more than you realize.

Perhaps they are not coming to you now, but they might have in the past. Perhaps abuse is imposed on you every day, and you accept it because you believe this is just the way the imposer is; you keep the status quo out of a deep fear of being alone, without a partner, or without the material comfort or convenience you may receive from the imposer. But abuse in all forms erodes your self-worth and confidence. It is poison to radiance, toxic to wholeness, and lethal to supreme confidence.

Here are the signs of abuse. If they pertain to you, just know one thing: this is your opportunity to spot the signs and learn how to get out of the abuse.

Verbal, Mental, and Emotional Abuse

I am going to guide you step by step so you can see how all forms of abuse can only undermine the wholeness, radiance, and supreme confidence you really want to feel. It is my deepest hope that you not only embrace what I am about to tell you, but that you also find the courage to take personal responsibility for your well-being on all levels.

Verbal Abuse

Let’s say you’ve put on a few pounds, or even 20 or 30, and your partner makes a snide remark: “Putting on some extra weight there, Hon; better get to the gym.” I call that remark verbal abuse. It does not feel good. It feels demeaning. When a remark feels demeaning, it is demeaning. And this is verbal abuse.

Do not make excuses for observations. The one you love can “observe” that you are getting greyer, more wrinkled, less toned. The list could go on.

What matters is that you deserve to have someone in your life who loves and accepts you just as you are, weight, grey hair, wrinkles, and all.

Now, suppose you say, “Boy, I’m really gaining weight.” And your partner answers, “Yep, but we all do sometimes. I love you for who you are, not the number on the scale.” That is an unconditionally loving partner.

Do you see the difference? I could write an entire book about abuse, but I want to get straight to the point so you notice what abuse is.

Verbal abuse consists of comments that cause you to feel “less than.” They cause you to have that sinking feeling in your stomach, that feeling of betrayal, hurt, depression, sadness, and grief.

When you notice that you are being abused–verbally or otherwise–you, my dear sister, have two choices: (1) you can keep allowing it to happen, which will cause you to feel even less than you have ever felt in the past; or (2) you can ask the abusive person to completely stop. If he or she does stop, this is fantastic. If he or she doesn’t stop, then you are going to have to summon up all of your inner truth, all of your real feelings about the verbal abuse you receive each day, and walk out of this person’s life.

If you have asked the abusive person to stop many times and nothing has changed, nothing will change. The abusive person will not stop just because you ask again. People who tell you to understand the abuser and to remain in the abusive situation seriously need to reconsider their statements. I would never guide you to take abuse or to tolerate it, not even for a few minutes.

Verbal abuse comes in the form of snide remarks, put-downs, insults, degrading comments, forceful demands, controlling tones, and harsh words.

As a woman who wishes to feel whole and complete on the inside so that your inner glow shows on the outside, you must leave the abusive situation. There is no other way.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved. Chapter excerpt reprinted with permission from the book Know Yourself: A Woman’s Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence. (Rose Group ,January 2006) ISBN: 0974145734

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Transforming the Unknown — Exclusive Excerpt

Transforming the Unknown

Transforming the Unknown: How to Transform What’s Holding You Back When You Don’t Know What it Is

By Barbara Rose, PhD

Exclusive Excerpt

Realizations

If you have reached a point in your life when you realize that you are unhappy, unfulfilled, weary, and feel more emptiness than joy, you have reached a crucial point: that of realization.

When you look at your life and you can find all you do not like about it, this is the realization that can lead to change.

Perhaps there are aspects of your life that you do like, even if the rest of your reality feels stuck and unfulfilled.

The purpose of this book is to bring you insight regarding exactly how you can transform anything in your life that has been holding you back from blooming, even if you don’t know what it is.

This process isn’t very complicated, but it is easier said than done. For example, you might look at a relationship you are in and feel sad, disappointed or abused-just as I once did. You may know your sadness; but knowing how to transform it requires higher guidance. This is the guidance that comes from the highest aspect of your consciousness, rather than the fear- laden ego aspect that lives at the level of your personality.

It is one thing to realize that you feel unfulfilled. It is quite another thing to be willing to do whatever it takes with dignity, honesty, ethics and truth so that your realizations can become transformations.

Pain Threshold

I used to be one deeply unhappy person. And I have met thousands of people from all over the world who are also deeply unhappy.

The key here is to ask yourself how much longer you are willing to be unhappy-how much longer you are willing to keep the status quo.

This is the first part of transforming what’s holding you back in life. You are being given a choice that only you can make.

Whatever the misery, whatever the unhappiness is about-relationships, work, finances, self confidence-no matter what you are facing, how much longer do you want things to remain the same?

Crucial Threshold

First, it is crucial that you actually admit to yourself any aspect of your life you feel unhappy about. Then it is crucial for you to ask yourself when you want to have things change. Changing your unhappiness to happiness will mean changing what makes you unhappy: the circumstances, views, perceptions and daily living that perpetuate your misery.

I once had a client who was unhappy about a certain aspect of her life. It required courage for her to move in a new direction so she could feel joy instead of pain. I remember the words that literally flowed through me to her: “Okay how much longer would you like things to stay the way they are, because we’ve got plenty of time. Do you want things to change in ten minutes? Ten hours? Five months? Or Four years? She started to laugh as she realized that the decision to turn things around could only be made by her.

The same is true for me and you. Only you can decide when you have had enough of the old way and when you have reached a critical threshold-a turning point within your mind and heart that summons up the courage to actually turn things around.

Willingness

It is okay, and it is even quite normal, to know what you are unhappy about while, at the same time, you may not have a clue as to how to turn things around.

At this point what is crucial for you is to decide when. Not how. Just when.

So if you are one of the millions of people who are unhappy with how you are spending your life, feeling dull, lacking passion and inspiration about your life, when do you want to change this?

The answer you give is going to determine whether or not any aspect of your life actually transforms.

I know many people who are deeply unhappy in their marriages. And as unhappy as they are, they have no intention whatsoever of doing anything about it-such as leaving the relationship. They are people who are choosing out of fear to keep the status quo, and they will not experience a change because they don’t want to.

You have to desire to turn your life around before your desire turns into change. And the step between desire and change is action.

It does not matter that you don’t know how to do it, the only thing that matters is your deep willingness to create change. Again, this is a choice only you can make. No one can live your life for you, and no one can fix your life but you.

Responsibility

It is your individual responsibility to start right where you are and to decide, in the deepest part of your heart, how you would prefer things to be. Whatever you would like to turn around has to have real deep meaning to you. This is actually called care. You have to care more about creating change than you do about keeping things the same.

The level of growth and transformation you experience will be in direct proportion to the measure of desire and willingness you have within you to make great headway in a new direction.

Outright Misery

To make this process simpler, let’s suppose that you are completely dissatisfied with your whole life in every area. This means that you experience outright misery every day. You feel drained, and don’t know how to get more energy to transform this exhaustion.

Exhaustion

For many people-and you may very well be one of them-just the thought of transforming life feels exhausting.

I used to feel this way. I remember sharing in my first book, Individual Power, that when I embarked on the process of changing my life, I felt as if I was standing at the bottom of Mt. Everest, looking up, and saying, “No way! I can’t do this.” But that “can’t” was not true. I just needed the gumption, the energy, to start. And each hour of each day would provide me with all of the aspects of my life that I felt unhappy about. Perhaps you, too, feel this way every hour of your day; maybe even every minute.

In the next chapter I am going to share with you how to transform anything in your life-even if you do not have a clue about what needs transforming, when, and in what priority.

There are many examples shared throughout this book; I’m guessing that you will be able to relate personally to at least some of them. The key now is to ask yourself if you are ready to learn how to transform what feels un-transformable.

Excerpt © Copyright 2010 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved, Exclusive Book Excerpt re=published with permission from the book Transforming the Unknown: How to Transform What’s Holding You Back in Life When You Don’t Know What It Is Published by The Rose Group (October 2009) ISBN-13: 978-0978895549.

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Answers from God about Being Afraid of Getting it Wrong

Answers from God About Being Afraid of Getting it Wrong
By Barbara Rose, PhD

The inspiration for this article came from a dear soul who was so afraid of “getting it wrong” in the process of doing a writing to God/Holy Spirit/Source for any matter that weighs on her heart, that I just had to find a way to help her, and you. This is a common fear because this process is completely out of our comfort zone. It is unfamiliar. We were not raised being taught our birthright of using all six senses, but to operate from just five. Fears of somehow not being able to receive divine answers are common simply due to the personality not yet having several experiences with this pure and free process. However, just as with any new endeavor, once you do it, the fears evaporate.

If you, too, feel fear in this area, take heart. There are other ways which I’ll share with you now to receive divine guidance at any time, all of which is addressed in the book If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!

Let’s suppose that for whatever reason you cannot hand write or type. Here is something I urge anyone to do for as long as you live if you want your life to soar purely in all areas.

The ‘still small voice’ that guides you from within, the one that may say something like, “Take this road home today instead of the one you usually take” that”inner voice’ is God/Source/Holy Spirit, or whatever name you personally use when referencing the purest divine guidance.

Did you ever, once, receive inner guidance and *not* follow it? Me, too. And did you regret it? So did I. Alternatively, did you ever once receive inner guidance and actually follow it? Me, too. Were you glad you did? So was I along with every single person I have ever spoken with from all walks of life, countries and cultures.

The foundation of Higher Self Communication and receiving divine guidance is listening within to the ‘still small voice.’ For many people, their heads are so busy with endless mind chatter, worries and thoughts of ‘what if’ that it is akin to being in a car and blasting the radio at the highest volume. Then, imagine that a gentle rain begins to fall, and the little raindrops are gently falling on the windshield. Do you think you can hear the raindrops if the music is talking at high volume?

No, you would not be able to hear the sound of the raindrops. But, if you lowered the radio volume because you wanted to hear that soft, peaceful sound, you would hear it! And it would bring a smile to your face.

From this moment forward for eternity, I am guiding you to carefully listen within to the guidance that flows into your mind. That is God guiding you, me and everyone who has ever lived on earth.

There is an example that is strong and needed to drive this point home so you always follow through – which is what you will be glad you did.

Suppose you have a best friend whose birthday is on Friday, and you promised her you would go over her house to celebrate her birthday. Imagine this: Ten minutes before you’re about to leave your house, you are receiving gentle, simple guidance that you hear within your mind. The guidance is saying, “stay home. Don’t go.”

Now, most people would say something along the lines of, “Where is THIS coming from? I can’t stay home. This is my best friend, and it’s her birthday. It’s not even raining out. I’m going to her house to celebrate her birthday.” And again, the guidance gently flows into your mind saying, “Stay home. Don’t go.”

Now at this point, you have tossed the idea of following the still small voice of divine guidance. You have decided with your free will and choice to disregard that guidance in favor of going to your friend’s birthday gathering at her home, and you leave your home to get into your car.

You’ve been driving for about seven minutes when a truck slams into your car. It’s a terrible accident. You can’t feel your legs. You are rushed to the hospital, and spend the next two years of your life learning how to walk again.

During one of your sessions with the physical therapist, you share, “On the night of the accident, something inside was telling me ‘don’t go, stay home’ and I didn’t listen.”

Many of us learn the hard way when we disregard the inner, pure, perfect and all-knowing guidance from God/Source/Holy Spirit – or whatever name you feel most comfortable calling it. And each time we learn the hard way, we dearly regret it.

Now, I am guiding you simply coming from a place of care for humanity, to ALWAYS follow that still small voice. In most cases it will NOT make sense to the ego, most of the time the guidance does not appear to be logical. This is because we can only see so far with our eye sight. But the divine can see everything, and when we are guided, it is OUR choice whether or not we listen, or ignore the guidance and do as we please with our free will and choice.

At some point, which I pray is right now, you learn to follow that inner guidance because it will ALWAYS guide you in the best direction. It will ALWAYS keep you out of harms way. It is God guiding you.

The great news is that once you are in the habit of following that ‘still small voice’ it becomes THE guiding voice of your life, and then after a short time you take stock of your life and notice how much better life has become since you’ve been following the inner guidance you receive.

If you only do this, you will only feel gratitude, and I do assure you, you will never, ever regret following through with the guidance you receive. It simply and gently flows into your mind when you are awake.

It is this guidance that is our saving grace. In one moment we receive clarity, a new perspective, or an answer when we were trying to figure something out.

There is not a single person on earth who cannot benefit from receiving answers from God when they can’t figure out the answers on their own. Many times answers will come during sleep in our dreams when the voice of the ego is subdued and Spirit can get a word in edgewise. During our waking moments, listening to and following through with the gentle guidance will always be something we are so thankful we did.

Do this, even just as an experiment for the next four weeks. See and EXPERIENCE the results. Then, judge for yourself. I know for the next four weeks your life is going to be so much nicer as a result. After four weeks, you will certainly be glad you followed the voice of God who guides you now and forevermore.

Copyright 2010 Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved.

Do You Worry about HOW You’re Going to Make Christmas Happen this Year?

Jesus Requests a “New Christmas” Starting 2008 in Rare Transcript

Through Barbara Rose, PhD

This is an exclusive excerpt, an abridged version original transcript in which Jesus Christ calls for a “New Christmas” Original Transcript is dated Friday 11/7/2008 3:19:00 PM EST.

“The pressure most of you feel from this holiday that I certainly did not observe has put so many of you into a worried position, fearing HOW will you make Christmas happen this year?

What if you started a NEW Christmas? Someone actually started this holiday in memory of me so now YOU CAN DO THE SAME!!!

We can call this the Christmas that creates a REAL Christmas.

So, now here are some suggestions. You always have free will and no one will interfere with it. However, taking on a new view, sort of trying it on to see how it feels THIS is what I am hoping you will do.

Starting December 25, 2008 a NEW Christmas is born. If people have difficulty with this suggestion, please have them take it up with me personally. I hear ALL of your prayers. We see all you are and do as if watching a TV.

Someone may say, “Oh, that’s not in the bible. It’s blasphemy. You’ll go to hell for not obeying the bible.”

You may interject here and share that this guidance actually came from Jesus Christ.

The person would look at you as if your head was purple and your skin green.

The person would NOT BELIEVE that Jesus Christ is STILL doing all He can to help humanity and to do so without judgment.

You may think there is judgment there is not at this level of spiritual evolution. When you see someone in pain, hopefully you feel generous, caring and a warm heart towards that person. And THAT is EXACTLY what Christmas is truly all about.

Now please allow me to share a few suggestions with you about how I would like my memory and my birthday to be celebrated.

The NEW Christmas slogan can be Deeds Fulfilling Needs. e to help in the manner of DEEDS that you do to help the person (or animal) have a renewed sense of hope, and faith that God does, in fact exist Jesus does, in fact communicate with many people it is typically with people who want to serve and help in any positive manner.

Instead of buying a new bracelet for someone close to you, consider this. Perhaps the person has low income and carries the weight of expensive medicine you can buy a gift certificate from the pharmacy that your loved one can use to pay for much needed medicine.

Deeds Fulfilling Needs” Create a NEED list and then a DEED list.

This holiday that celebrates my earth life as a newborn is so very much opposite of what I shared with people during my lifetime. And during that lifetime, I was Jewish and celebrated Passover certainly not Easter!

How would you feel if your friends and family asked you for your wish list of NEEDS that you deeply want to take care of.

Now, imagine that for your NEW Christmas present, each friend took care of what they were able to that was written on the list.

How will you know if this is Divine truly or not? Please, Dearest One, simply ask yourself how YOU WOULD FEEL IF THIS WAS DONE FOR YOU?

If you go to any church, please be so kind to print this out and give it to the Ministers who create decisions.

As I love you all so dearly, and for over two thousand years I have been trying to breathe life into your life please consider celebrating my birthday as the NEW Christmas “Deeds Fulfilling Needs.”

Whether you donate gently worn shoes and games to a children’s consignment shop so the children can have shoes to wear, or THAT is a “Deed Fulfilling a Need.”

Yes, we can certainly transform life on earth for us all. We can fill needs, transform All we desire to change. You are not ever alone. I am always with you. Thank you for opening your mind and heart to this message.

© Copyright 2008, 2010 Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved

A Message from Jesus to the Man Burning the Koran

How “Christ like” are you being right now?

Do you want another person to burn the Holy Bible?

ARE YOU DOING UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU?

GO AND FORGIVE yourself for the hate in your heart.

Apologize AT ONCE TO THE PEOPLE who worship God Almighty

YOU are NOT HERE to Create RELIGIOUS PERSECUTION.

STOP IMMEDIATELY, for what you are doing will come back upon you so strongly, you will know what Hell on Earth is like.

Stop IMMEDIATELY, APOLOGIZE, FORGIVE YOURSELF,  AND GO IN PEACE.