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The Surprising Secret of Getting Love from Another

 

01-Ind-Power By Barbara Rose, PhD

As a self-loving person, you will recognize that you cannot, ever, make someone else love you, be good to you, be your friend, or be there for you. No matter how hard you try, and especially when you try, you cannot force love, friendship, or caring from another person.

Have you ever felt someone else wanted you to love him or her? No matter what that person did or how hard he or she tried, did it work? No. It did not.

As we all know, chemistry between two people cannot be created or destroyed. Physical chemistry is either there or it is not. But the physical relationship between two people is not the same as love.

What is this perplexing phenomenon that has plagued man and woman through the centuries? What is love? Where does it come from? It comes from being yourself. Loving yourself. Finding honor, respect, and joy in, of, and because of yourself. Love comes when you awaken your interests, passions, and joys; when you use your talents and abilities to achieve your goals; when you thrive in areas you have not yet dreamed of; when you dare to dream even more.

Love is to be your own best friend.

To need you. To depend on you,

to honor, respect, adore, obey, cherish, and love you.

That is the key!

The key is you, not the other.

If the other also loved him- or herself, there would be no insincerity, lying, manipulation, fear, jealousy, degradation, abuse, cheating, or fighting. There would be differences of opinion and differences in preference or perspective, but not war between the other and you.

There would be a sweet, magnetic chemistry. Then there would be friendship.

In this friendship between two people who love, respect, and understand themselves there would be honesty with each other. People would not hold back their real feelings because to do so would be to lie to themselves as well as to the other.

People would not stop a meaningful activity simply because someone called them for a date. The date would be set for another time. People would not be upset or jump to melodramatic, illogical conclusions just because they have not heard from a special someone for a few days. They would hope all is fine with the other person and would trust that they will be in touch when the time is right.

People would not feel they have to be with each other simply because the calendar says it’s Friday or Saturday. There would, however, be regard for each other’s feelings, and both would assume that if they would like to get together, then it would be more appropriate to make tentative plans than no plans at all.

In our society, it is no secret, no surprise at all, that when two people start to date, all kinds of expectations arise; all kinds of games are brought into play. No wonder there are so many people home alone at night. Who needs the games; who wants the insincerity? Nobody!

The key word here is “want.”

You have to want nothing.

You have to be everything, for you.

When you have grown and evolved enough to be your own dearest and best friend, and when you have grown and evolved enough to encourage another to do whatever he or she needs to do for happiness or fulfillment, that is when you can be sure the special person in your life will be the mirror image of you.

That person will play with you and challenge you to be your very best. That person will honor himself and understand his own perspective, feelings, beliefs, attitudes, principles, preferences, and desires. And that person will naturally love, honor, and understand you.

When you let go of all of the wanting, the longing, the desperation, the agonizing, and the fear, you find something wonderful and magical happens: you have it. You have love.

Stop trying; start being.

Stop doing everything to get that other person. Start being everything you want to be for you, and you will find that person will one day open his eyes and see that you are the one he’s been searching for all along.

This is what it means to let go, to move on. You don’t throw your love out the window; to the contrary, you throw out your focus on loving the other. And you fill that void with love of self.

When you see yourself

as the source of your own pleasure,

you do not need it

to come from another.

As this need vanishes, you become even more desirable than you would be if you were at another person’s beck and call.

For how can people desire that which they have, and how can they strive to attain the level of intimacy they deserve if it is given to them so freely, so easily, without having been earned?

When you work toward a mutual, beneficial relationship, you both bring and contribute your gift of self to the union. Whether it is for a day, a year, a decade, or a lifetime, each person contributes the very essence of himself or herself.

You each already know exactly where you stand, what behaviors you will accept, and which ones you will not put up with.

© Copyright 2001, 2003, 2016 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life re-printed with permission, published by The Rose Group (April 17, 2003) ISBN-10: 097414570X.

Individual PowerIndividual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life

If your life fell apart and you need to start over, this is the book that will successfully guide you into the life you truly want to live.

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The Power of Spiritual Endorsements

0-nice-yellow-flowers-HiResThere is a huge surge of the purest love in the universe when you collaborate with another person from the center of your heart.

It is never about “getting” it is about “sharing and helping each other.”

No matter WHAT you have created, ultimately it is people spreading by word of mouth with their friends, loved ones, colleagues and even strangers the great thing (your project) they have discovered and honestly recommend.

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It is about creating honest relationships with those whom you genuinely admire.
It is so important that people know WHY you are contacting THEM to either give you an endorsement or help you spread the word about what you are doing.

In short, you are contacting them hopefully because you are sincerely taken aback, or truly admire their work, and when you let them know this – they will either feel your sincerity or feel your cold ulterior motives.

People who have been around in any industry for a long time get to know their colleagues. Other spiritual and relationship authors are NEVER my “competition” quite to the contrary, I endorse THEIR work – why? Because I honestly love it and it is worthy of an endorsement.

Meeting or connecting with the people who will support you with your efforts expect that you, in turn, will support them as well.

You are sharing support, not just selling your latest creation.

If you come across as only looking out for your own personal interest, the first thing the person reading your email, or hearing your message will be a prompt DELETE.

Many people have come to me, typically people I did not know at all, asking for MY endorsement. WHY? They never told me why, they were only too concerned with what they could GET rather than how they could SHARE.

If is all about HONESTLY sharing from the heart! It is about helping each other – SINCERELY. It is about making a genuine positive difference in this world, and when that is your motive, and the person you are approaching learns WHY you admire THEIR work, why you would even want their name associated with your venture, that must be spelled out FIRST.

This then opens the heart of the person you are contacting. Oh, he’s familiar with MY work. OK, I’ll continue reading this email. But it MUST be GENUINE.

People do have six senses. We all know truth when we come across it, additionally, we all know BS when we come across it as well. People who have devoted their lives to make a difference are more than happy (at least I am) to help someone whose motives are pure. I lend support, some advice, and even an endorsement without the person even asking for it.

If the number one thing people want to know is to get as much as they can out of you, you will feel their insincerity, and they will most likely receive next to nothing as a result.

Cooperating WITH your colleagues to make this world a better place is at the heart of Spiritual Endorsements. You respect each others work. You become happy to help the new kid on the block with a boost. Why? Because you were once the new kid on the block and needed some genuine support to launch what you are creating.

Personally, I love helping newbies rise. It brings my heart great joy. However, when I receive emails that are so ego-centered, only seeking to take and never seeking to share, then those emails quickly get deleted because the energy behind them is not pure or filled with loving intentions.

Here below are some endorsements from people whose work and contributions I honestly love. I approached them from my heart, AND I helped them spread the word about what they were doing as well. The most common way was adding something they were doing to my newsletter and sharing a link to THEIR project, just to reciprocate, and without them even knowing about it.

So now I am starting a global team of spiritual heart-centered people who are thrilled to share each others ventures, just for the sake of loving and sharing. In this way everyone benefits, and everyone who is involved is on the same wavelength. Our energy matches – and it is this energy, filled with love, that carries the most power behind long term spiritual success.

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Spiritual Endorsements

“Barbara Rose is one of the best spiritual teachers I’ve ever heard in person or read in books.” — Gary Renard, best-selling author of The Disappearance of the Universe

“I was deeply moved when I read Barbara Rose’s beautiful and compassionate book. Her love and wisdom infuse every page.” — Stephen Simon, Film Director/Producer (Conversations with God, Somewhere in Time, What Dreams May Come) Co-founder Spiritualcinemacircle.com

“This book is a must read for deepening your spiritual awareness regardless of where you are in your journey.” — Bob Gottfried, PhD, author of Shortcut to Spirituality: Mastering the Art of Inner Peace

Barbara Rose has tapped into profound truth, a direct expression of God with simplicity and eloquence. I recommend her book. — Barbara Marx Hubbard, President, Foundation for Conscious Evolution

If you wonder if God hears you, and if you have ever wondered how to receive direct answers, this book will show you how—in plain English.

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0-three-sunflowers_HiResBuild your relationships authentically.
Create something that really makes a difference and not just a dollar. Because when you do make a difference the dollars naturally come your way via a return of your pure energy and motives. This is the universe’s way of giving you a wink, and shining success upon you because you cared enough to make a difference for others.

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Risk Being Real in a Relationship Brings a Certain Reward

Individual PowerExclusive excerpt from the book Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life By Barbara Rose, PhD

To be there, to love, what is the price? What will it cost you to receive all you are entitled to? To be in a relationship, there is a payment that must be made if you wish to receive all you desire from the other.

If your payment is fear, withholding your true feelings, holding back, allowing fear to block the flow of truth, then you receive loneliness and validate your own lack of self-worth. This validation only breeds further feelings of alienation;

you do not experience all the rich joy you can receive when your payment is genuine truth.

To share your truth is perhaps one of the scariest feelings that exists between lovers and romantic friends today.

When you take the risk to bear your soul, expose the real you, and reveal your genuine feelings, you become vulnerable; you may be afraid that your open heart will be pierced by another.

But there is another dynamic you may wish to consider and experiment with, a tiny bit at a time.

Risk exposing your feelings.

Take a tiny risk, just as a baby takes a tiny risk with his first steps. Yes, your fears may cause you to stumble, to close your heart again. But if you are with a person you truly love, and you take a baby step to expose your truth, then you can see the reaction. Then you can see how you will be treated as you risk sharing the genuine feelings you hold inside.

If you are with a person you truly love, and you do take tiny steps to share your genuine feelings, you will find that you are rewarded with love, acceptance, and appreciation in return. Then take another step, take an action, do something special together, and watch, feel, and be amazed at the new joy you will discover.

As you take tiny steps, first with vision and will, then with action, you will find the rewards are akin to those of a baby learning to walk: “Wow, I can do it!” The baby thinks, “I will do this again!”

After many attempts of risking to share genuine love and true feelings, you will find that you stumble back into old patterns far less than you did before.

And you walk beside the one you love more easily. And soon you may want to run together – to dare to go all the way, to run, and laugh, and experience the true freedom and joy of sharing your true self, your true and honest feelings with the one person who has truly been there for you through all your past stumblings.

When you find this with another, you have found real love. You have found one with whom you can share your deepest fears, your greatest insecurities, your biggest mistakes, and still be loved and appreciated for all of who you are.

When you find such a person in your life, you must know there is a reason for this to have happened to you. You may choose to take a deeper look beyond the simple romantic or friendly attraction and realize that perhaps there are greater reasons, higher reasons for your finding one another.

Perhaps you are to do something together. Perhaps you are to truly be there by each other’s side, a hand to hold, arms to hug, love to feel, fun to share, friendship to grow, trust to bloom, and memories to create that you can treasure together for your life.

There have been many people who have turned their backs to the love they have found, and in each case, those people have never forgotten, nor have they ever been able to replace their true match with another. They live with regret. They live with a heart longing for the joy and beauty they once had but were too afraid to embrace fully; they turned their backs on the one they truly loved, and never found such a true love again.

Love, pure love, honest and

genuine love, does not die.

You can travel to every corner of the globe. You can watch the seasons pass. But no matter how far you travel or how many years have gone by since you held the one you love in your arms, your heart, your soul will never forget this one person.

You may also find that the one who brings out your greatest growth, who makes you see all of the areas that need healing is precisely the person you may find yourself wanting to run away from. Who wants to face all of that hurt? If that happens, be wise enough to ask yourself, “Isn’t that why we have true relationships, to genuinely become the best we can be?” And how can we become our best when we ignore or run

away from those areas we need to heal? We cannot.

So the one who causes you great frustration is also the one who ultimately brings you the greatest joy: the discovery of the genuine you.

Once you do grow through the challenges, the rewards of such a deep and genuine understanding between two people could never be replaced by a shallow, superficial relationship. Love is a gift, and appreciation for this gift must be shown.

There is the saying, “Hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me.” This universe will send you a gift of love, a true match, once. If you choose to throw this gift away, if you do not show appreciation for it, you can be certain this universe will not be foolish enough to give you a gift so rare and so special again in this life.

You must know that when a person treasures you, when he or she sees through to the core of you and accepts you fully, with all of your faults, you have been blessed.

Now, if you love this person, if you truly do, deep inside, love this person, then give yourself this gift of love, cherish and treasure the gift you have received, for if you do not, you shall not ever know such a gift again in this life.

You will know deep down in your heart when all of the elements are there. You will feel so at peace and, at the same time, so challenged – challenged to grow, challenged to evolve and lift yourself above and beyond your fears of intimacy.

This work on self is required in order to continue experiencing the gift of this love in your life.

Debilitating fears of closeness or of opening one’s heart are also patterns that must be recognized and worked through. So ask yourself, “How can I notice when those old feelings come up?”

Become conscious of them. If you remain on automatic pilot, you will automatically sabotage the relationship.

Fear of being hurt or vulnerable is understandable and quite common. When left unnoticed, unchecked, and unattended to, however, it is also the source of pain. How do you attend to your fears? You simply acknowledge their existence.

You say, “Oh look, this is what I have been feeling, this is what happens to me. Do I want this feeling or pattern to
take charge, or do I prefer something different?”

It comes down to a preference, an individual choice not to react but to consciously decide how you are going to respond when you notice your fears coming to the surface. Once you become fully conscious of them, their paralyzing effect dwindles;

instead of feeling smothered by an avalanche, you feel the slight sting of a pebble. Awareness of an old pattern greatly reduces its effects on you.

There is always a period of tremendous anxiety when old fears come to the surface. Realize, however, that this anxiety does, in fact, pass. It is a feeling. Feelings flow. One feeling, no matter how horrible or anxiety provoking, does not last forever.

So once you notice the anxiety coming to the surface, you become the one in charge. You are no longer run by old tapes that do not help you experience all you prefer to experience now.

Those old tapes may have served you in the past, protecting you from pain from a certain person. But now that you have found someone else, someone special, those old tapes can only be destructive.

If you become aware of your feelings and allow the anxiety to pass by sharing what you think and how you feel, then you no longer risk losing a person you may not ever be able to replace.

This is far better than allowing old, self-protective patterns that are in your comfort zone to destroy your opportunity for genuine love and genuine healing. Would you rather lose true love because it feels uncomfortable? Is that what you want?

Look around you. Think of all the people you have dated. Think of how many years you have gone without this one very special person. Do you want to lose this gift simply because it is scary for you to take personal responsibility and notice your feelings as they surface?

You do not have to be perfect. You cannot be perfect. But if you decide to take charge of an old pattern and act to heal your inner self, you will find that the one you love will not leave your side.

© Copyright 2001,2003,2011 by Barbara Rose, All Rights Reserved. Excerpt re-printed with permission from the book Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life Published by The Rose Group (2003) ISBN: 097414570X.

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