Risk Being Real in a Relationship Brings a Certain Reward

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To share your truth is perhaps one of the scariest feelings that exists between lovers and romantic friends today.
When you take the risk to bear your soul, expose the real you, and reveal your genuine feelings, you become vulnerable; you may be afraid that your open heart will be pierced by another. But there is another dynamic you may wish to consider and experiment with, a tiny bit at a time. Risk exposing your feelings. Continue reading

Top 22 Soul Mate Questions & Answers

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Recorded live I answered the top 22 questions asked about soul mate relationships, including how to receive answers for yourself! Check it out! Continue reading

Relationship Insight “The Only Way”

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If you think that outer conditions, wealth, looks, or material accumulation will keep a partner in your life, it will not. The only thing that will keep a partner in your life is when you can be each other’s best … Continue reading

It’s Not a Soul Mate You Want to Attract

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It’s not a “soul mate” that you want to attract. It’s an incredible partner that adores you on all levels. Take the myth that a soul mate is a perfect person out of your mind. There is no “perfect person.” … Continue reading

Relationship Insight for THE ONE

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Who said you’re not fantastic? Who told you that you aren’t special? Who said you have nothing to offer? They lied! It’s all within you, and when you allow yourself To be All that you Are – you will be … Continue reading

Signs of Men Who Cannot Fully Love: Why & How to Understand It – Excerpt

Signs Men Who Cannot Fully Love

By Barbara Rose, PhD

This information is written with a tremendous amount of compassion, deep understanding and wisdom gained from having “been there” to help you make sense of it all.

First, the signs:

* He has tremendous difficulty verbally expressing his feelings.

* He charms women, and then turns the charm off as soon as his needs are filled.

* He generally speaks about woman as though they are not equal, valuable human beings, perhaps referring to them as “Chicks” along with comments such as “All women are ______” whatever category he places them into.

* He can show tremendous care and compassion towards others with whom he does not feel a romantic connection.

* He has a wall around his heart and will allow you to get only so close, then shuts down when he feels it is too close for his comfort zone.

* He is not yet open to experiencing a fully loving, equal, mutually respectful and fulfilling romantic relationship.

* He is open to exploring and experiencing relationships with many people, enjoys change, variety, and most of all, his personal freedom.

* He is convinced that he is better off without a woman in his life in terms of settling down with one woman.

* He searches outside of himself for validation.

Now, Why, How to understand this and what to do…

First and foremost, please know that there is absolutely nothing you can ever do to change or fix him. What he needs most is a real friend. A person who can accept him fully, exactly the way he is, without any judgment whatsoever. His search for validation may or may not ultimately take him into the core of his own heart to uproot any and all false negative beliefs he has about himself, so that he can finally learn HOW to fully love himself from the inside out.

If you wish to receive all of the answers that have made such a difference for people bringing clarity and understanding that transformed previous turmoil you can securely download the digital book below.


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What Healthy Relationships REALLY Look Like

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1. What does a healthy relationship look like?

2. What do I do if I love someone and they keep hurting me?

3. What do I do if I love someone and they don’t want to commit to me?

4. How do I know if someone is right for me?

5. What do I do if my boyfriend only wants to see me when he drinks?

6. How can I help to heal the wounds of someone I love?

7. What kind of standards should I have in a relationship?

8. What do I do when I don’t feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else?

THE ANSWERS

1. What does a healthy relationship look like?

A healthy relationship is based first and foremost on trust. It stems from both people being authentic, genuine, caring about themselves and the other person. There is mutual respect, and appreciation. There is an expressed desire from both people to be in the relationship, and for it to flourish. You would never do to the other what you would not want them to do to you, in any manner, and in any way. Both people are there for each other during difficult times. If there is a disagreement, it is discussed openly and honestly so that you can come to a mutually agreeable solution. There is compromise and acceptance from each person for the other, but never at the expense of your dignity.

Each person knows they are safe to bring up anything that they are not happy about, so that it can be worked out and not fester into more than it really is.

All healthy relationships require personal emotional and psychological health, as well as sobriety. How can you really get to know someone when they are intoxicated? You can’t! So it is vital that you are both straight and sober if you want authenticity and clear communication to resolve any matter that may come up.

A healthy relationship stems from both people being open and willing to discuss anything. There is no avoidance, punishment, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, or ill intentions.

There is sexual chemistry that is expressed in a loving and healthy manner, so that you can really make love to the one you are with, from your heart, and have fun while you’re at it.

It is based on intellectual and spiritual compatibility, shared ethical standards, and a common bond based on love that will endure any difficult time.

Healthy relationships take work on both parties. They do not just “magically happen” and stay “happy forever after.” Each person has to show that they want the relationship to work, and they work hard by authentically communicating – that is the key – it is healthy communication, combined with all of the above. If you’ve got someone like this in your life, and you love them, then you’ve found a gem!

2. What do I do if I love someone and they keep hurting me?

Are you a doormat or a human being? If someone keeps hurting you, first you can discuss it with them, and let them know what they did, how you feel, and what you would prefer. If they then change their actions and never do that again, that is fantastic! However, if they keep saying “I’m sorry” and keep repeating their hurtful actions the only thing you can do is leave.

You did not choose to come into this life to put up with abuse in any form. If you are not being respected enough, then it’s time you respected yourself enough to walk, permanently.

When someone really loves you, they will do what it takes to keep you in their life. If they are mistreating you, then you have to ask yourself one serious question: “Is this what I really want?” If the answer is “no, but…” then the only one you are bullshitting is yourself.

The more self-love you have, the more of a zero tolerance you will have for bullshit. It takes a LOT of guts to take an inner stand, and show it in your actions, for yourself on the outside. You are not a toy, or a person that has to walk on eggshells to wonder what is coming next.

If you can forgive the other person, and forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated less than the way you deserve, then you can walk away without bitterness, and with your head held up high. You can be honest, and the most important honesty is in your actions. If you threaten to leave the relationship, but you never do after repeated mistreatment, then the only one you are really hurting is yourself. You deserve to be treated exactly the way you would treat someone else.

This means that the relationship is equal and reciprocal. Anything less than that is far less than you deserve, and you will meet someone else that can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Never settle!

3. What do I do if I love someone and they don’t want to commit to me?

You date other people, and live your own life to its fullest, and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone that DOES want it all with you.

Real love never dies. You can love someone and still live a full life. You can love someone and not be together. You can love many people in your life, and still be good to them. But to place yourself “on hold” and not even give yourself the chance to meet someone else is perpetual agony.

You can’t make someone want to commit to you, or play games either, because they never work. Be really honest with yourself and ask yourself if the person ever let you know that they didn’t want to get too involved. If they let you know, then that is your answer. It might hurt, however, if you are getting the truth, you can’t change someone’s truth.

Imagine if someone was in your life and you really didn’t want to commit to them. They would simply have to accept that and keep in living their own life. That is really all you can do, and the most important part of it all is how passionate you are about your own life! If you are with someone to fill a void within yourself, that void will never be filled! YOU have to fill the inner void you feel with all you are passionately absorbed in. Discover your life purpose. The person can be a PART of your life, not your central and universal focus. There is a BIG difference.

Love YOURSELF enough to really LIVE, and swing the doors WIDE open to meet someone that DOES want to be with you. If the feeling is mutual, and you are communicating, sharing interests, and really being there for each other, that is a LOT better than keeping yourself on the sidelines hoping that maybe someday the person will change their mind.

Get on with your life, and have some faith that certain people enter our lives for profound reasons. Many times it is a lesson in self worth, self value, and self love. The ONLY way anyone will have the capacity to love you wholeheartedly is when they love THEMSELVES wholeheartedly.

There is nothing you can do to “fix” that, You can only heal within your own self, and that is exactly what you deserve to do.

4. How do I know if someone is right for me?

Do you love their company? Can you talk to them about anything in the universe? Can you tell them things you would never tell anyone else? Is there real passion in bed? Do you share similar values and interests? Do you respect each other? Can you be real friends? Are you there for each other during times of need? Do you know each other’s family and friends? Are you EACH showing each other in your ACTIONS that “this is it”? If you answered yes to those questions, and you can really communicate, then you are with someone that is right for you. How fantastic!

5. What do I do if my boyfriend only wants to see me when he drinks?

You have two options, because this is YOUR choice.

Option One: You can receive many mixed messages from induced intoxication, and receive even more mixed messages during those sober moments, resulting in much confusion and pain – Or:

Option Two: You can realize that you are with an active alcoholic, and if they do not want to get help, then the only thing you can do is open the door for someone that can give you clear and sober messages all of the time, and create a relationship with a person that loves themselves too much to destroy themselves in front of your eyes.

Alcoholism is a permanent, life-long disease.

Either you are with a drunk, or you are with a person that is sober, period. It’s like being with a person that’s a little bit pregnant. Either they are, or they are not.

If the person does go to get help at an anonymous meeting place, and is in active treatment to heal, then by all means, if you love them, support them, forgive them, and be there for them, as long as they are being there for themselves!

If the person refuses to get help, and remains a drunk, then your only chance for sanity is to GET OUT of the relationship, so that you CAN have a sober and sane relationship with someone that has the capacity to give this to you.

Give the person their choice. Allow them to make the choice for themselves. You have no right to try to force anyone to do anything that they do not want to do – including heal. You, however, must make the choice for your own sanity, emotional and psychological health, and really get honest with yourself.

It is deeply painful to be with someone that is a drunk. It is even more painful when they won’t do anything about it.

It is life renewing when they DO do something about it, and get the help that they need.

This is a process of deep self-discovery, and requires a LOT of patience on your part to be there for them during a most difficult process.

You can only have a sane and healthy relationship with someone that is sane and healthy. Please remember that!

6. How can I help to heal the wounds of someone I love?

The ONLY way you can help to heal the wounds of someone you love, is when they are really trying to heal themselves.

You cannot “save” or “fix” anyone, anymore than someone else can save or fix you.

We ALL have inner work to do, or we wouldn’t be here in Earth School. There is not one person alive that does not have issues to heal, unless they have really healed them in this lifetime.

If someone is deeply wounded, you can love them, and accept them, however NEVER at the expense of your safety and self worth.

So if someone had a terrible childhood, and they are hitting you, then you MUST GET OUT of this relationship – because this is ABUSE.

If someone has difficulty communicating their emotions, then you can understand. There is no such thing as “the perfect person.” Everyone has flaws, everyone.

It is the DEGREE of the flaws, and how it is impacting your life, as well as how committed the person is to you in the relationship.

If you are committed to each other, and there is a deep love, then be loving and supportive, always.

If they are using their troubled youth as an excuse to cause abuse and harm to you, then they are just living a life of excuses and doing nothing to really be there for you. So is this what you want? The choice will always be yours.

If someone is actively really working on themselves, and you are not in danger, and you are in a real relationship, then be towards them how you would like them to be towards you.

If you are being mistreated, abused, lied to, cheated on, then you are not being in a real relationship – you are being a real doormat!

Heal your OWN wounds, and then as you grow with more self-love, you will see the difference in what you will and will not tolerate. Always be true to yourself – this is the only way you can ever have the capacity to be true to someone else.

7. What kind of standards should I have in a relationship?

Each person is different, and each person has preferences that they absolutely could not live with, or without in a relationship.

Ask what yourself what you are really looking for in a person, and how you really want to be treated. Ask yourself what really matters to you, and what is not so important.

For example: Some people “must” be with someone that is intellectually deep and stimulating, where someone else would absolutely abhor intellectual conversations and intellectual stimulation.

Some people love food, a lot, and want a partner that also loves food, cooking, eating out, etc. Where someone else really doesn’t care that much about making food a central part of their lives, and would rather read a book.

I firmly believe that when we are whole inside, have self value, feel self love, and know what WE are all about, THEN we can easily attract a great partner that is our EQUAL.

It all boils down to your preferences. There may be certain things someone may do, like leave the entire toilet seat up when you like it down. Can you live with that? Some people couldn’t care less, and some people are fanatical about that.

Then there are character traits that can fall in the “must have” “must not have” and “can live with” area – even if it drives you nuts at times. Some people are more impulsive, and some are more methodical. One is not “better” than another, they are just different, and really can cause a bit of frustration. However, they CAN be lived with, as long as there is acceptance and tolerance in differences in character traits.

Some people love to travel, and “must” have a person in their life that also loves to travel a lot, and often, while another person may just like a get-a-way once in a while.

Your list of standards in what you desire in a life partner must be solely based on your truth. This way you can really have a blast, go through ups and downs, and still be in love when all is said and done, because it was based on truth the entire time, and that is something that will endure for eternity.

8. What do I do when I don’t feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else?

If you don’t feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else, that is because you have not yet fell in love with yourself first!

It is time for you to really take a good hard look inside of your heart, and up-root every untruth you have ever been told, every lie you ever bought into about yourself, and every insult that you have ever called yourself, and replace that with pure self-love, without an outward condition attached to it.

When you can really feel your own value, and you can appreciate all of the good that you really are, THEN you will feel comfortable “being in love” with someone else, without the fear that you will somehow be consumed, controlled, or lose your self completely.

No one can ever control or consume you, unless you allow them to do so. Start to allow yourself to slowly feel the love you have inside, and take tiny steps to show that on the outside. Once you see that the world is still the same, and you are actually safe, then you can take another step with more confidence.

You can only give what you have inside, so it is not so much that you are not comfortable being in love with someone else, as it is that you have not been comfortable really loving YOU.

True love for Self does NOT come from ego. Self hate comes from ego. So it is a valuable lesson to love every part of your being – especially the parts you want to disown. It is important to view ALL of you as worthy, and not just certain parts of you. There are many people that have many different challenges in life. Some physical, some emotional. However, each one is an inherently special and precious spiritual/human being – including you!

Once you re-train your mind to view yourself with more love and acceptance, then you will more easily and comfortably be able to show this to someone else in return.

© Copyright 2012 by Barbara Rose, PhD All rights reserved.

Soul Mates Grow or Stagnate

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By Barbara Rose, PhD

Some soul mate couples refuse to grow. They refuse to resolve each of their core issues, which are the true sources of their personal pain. As a result, those soul mates are lost to each other for this life. This is a sad choice for both of them.

And then there are the others, and I do hope you are one of them, who consciously choose to say: No matter how long it takes, I will heal within, and I know that as long as I put forth a grain of effort each day, eventually I will walk the sands of the most peaceful beach with my true match by my side.

Which do you choose?

It is only your choice.

For if one of the soul mates chooses to grow and the other does not, they must part. Spiritual, universal law forbids that one soul mate may evolve and remain with the other if the other chooses not to evolve. That is the only reason many soul mates do not share the remainder of their lives together.

But they never forget each other. They long for each other, and they yearn and cry for each other in the dark of night when not another soul sees their tears.

The struggle to grow is scary; it is not easy, yet it can and must be done. It will be done. No matter how many lifetimes it takes, eventually you will choose to grow.

After all, what is being asked of you is what you have actually asked the other to come into your life for: To stand by your side and be there for you, so you know that there is one special soul who is there for you always and in all ways; to comfort you when you feel afraid; to be your best friend when the rest of the world turns its back; to challenge you to be your best even as you are loved and accepted you when you display your worst.

This is a gift. This is rare. Yet this is what you are entitled to, for you have chosen to grow. You have chosen to heal, and you have done so for important reasons.

Did you ever look within and actually feel afraid of your own individual power? Did you ever truly know, somehow, somewhere, that there is something you came into this life to do, something so beyond the ordinary expressions of individuality of the masses on this planet that you turned away, turned away from your very self?

And when you met your true match, did you see that your soul mate also has an inherent gift for humanity that is unlike most of the masses inhabiting the planet? Did you consider that, like you, your soul mate was at one time afraid of his own power, his own potential – and needed the unconditional acceptance and support of his true match? Did you consider that, to feel secure, he needed to turn to the only one who could understand him and be supportive when the rest of the masses simply could not relate to him?

That is why I say that only about two percent of human beings are actually with their true soul mates in this life now. These are the people who, although not better than the others, have more to contribute to and for the others. They do not have many friends because there is not another except their soul mate to whom they can truly relate.

When you meet your soul mate, you recognize a quality, gifts, potentials, and contributions to humanity and to this universe that the vast majority of others cannot fathom, nor would they care to.

You have chosen to meet to support each other, to be the best friend, the one who understands. You can show every side of yourselves to each other, and it will always be perfectly all right. Soul mates cannot deceive or hide from each other because they can see right through each other.

Your soul mate feels your energy. You communicate on a spiritual level that is difficult to describe; you have an innate, intuitive, psychic connection.

You “know” the other, but your knowing is much more than an understanding; as rational as you try to make it all, you cannot come up with any logical explanation.

On the spiritual, nonphysical side, where your souls exist, your higher selves, you see the colors in your energy patterns change, and this is communicated to you in your physical life. This concept is still too foreign at this point in human evolution for most people to understand. To put it simply, your spiritual selves “see” what you are going through.

In this physical world, when you look at the face of the one you know and love, you can often tell from their expression what they are thinking or how they are feeling. It is the same in the nonphysical side, only it happens with energy patterns of light and color.

So you cannot fool one another. Your growth has to be genuine. As you grow, you feel better about yourself. You also see that your perfect match is right there, has never left your side and never will, as long as you continue to grow, even if only one grain at a time.

* The grander purpose of the soul mate reunion.

As the grains of sand accumulate, the higher or grander purposes of the union with your soul mate become more obvious to you both.

You realize – although you may try to look away, afraid of the light on the path you have chosen to take – that those reasons are, in fact, your truest reasons for coming into this life. You realize that you are more than your own personal challenges and growth efforts; you are your essence, and your essence is here on Earth at this precise time and place because it is needed. You are needed, together.

If you look closely, as you would under a microscope, you will see that one half of the soul cannot ever achieve, contribute, or bring forth the results it can when both halves are combined. You are distinct in each of your roles; distinct in each of your vast talents and abilities; yet, you share a common vision. Only when your efforts are combined will you succeed in achieving the purposes you strive to attain.

How can you bake bread without water? How can you bake bread without flour? The flour and water must be combined.

Analogously, each soul mate carries the substance that, when combined with the other, produces the results which shall contribute to this universe the very reasons why you each chose to be born into this life.

Evolution may appear to be simple, but it is actually quite complex, involving billions of years and billions of energies all working together for the creation of the greater good. Even so, you and your soul mate, combined, are an important part of the evolution of the human species. One soul is no better than another. Every human being is needed to help the species progress.

When you turn away from your own growth, all of humankind pays a great price. As you recognize this, after denial, after trying to run, after all of this nonsense, you say inwardly, “I can’t lie to myself anymore, I can’t run away anymore, because I know I will regret it all the days of my life.”

So you decide to be all you came into this life to be, to be the dearest and best friend to your soul mate; for who other than the one who shares your same energy could better understand your every nuance?

You agree now that you have a purpose. Your first purpose is to grow and heal individually. Only then will your larger purpose will be made real. The path shall be very clear. There will be no ambiguity for either of you. You will each know what you are here on this Earth to do. You will each clearly see how perfectly your purposes blend.

You will also come to feel a deep appreciation of how special and rare it is to find a true friend, to have someone in your life whose hand you can always hold no matter what life brings. Their solitude shall always bring you solitude of your own; their comforting and smiles shall bring you warmth; and their bodies shall always feel as soft and as comfortable as your own skin.

This is the bliss of the soul mate reunion. This is the paradise, the gift, of living in a physical life, creating your own heaven on Earth, as you reach deep within to unleash and finally clear the negativity that previously held you back, the negativity you have surely outgrown.

You will find that neither of you will allow the other to give up, give in, or settle for being less than your very best.

Yes, you can have bad moods. Yes, you may act like two year olds and throw temper tantrums, but as people with responsibility toward yourselves and ultimately toward the advancement of humanity, you will not permit each other to grow complacent or languish in laziness.

So you may find that each of you will always be eager to show the other all you are doing, and this brings joy and excitement into your relationship.

When you stop running, you find freedom and true inner peace.

There is that old saying, “You can run, but you cannot hide.”

You may run from your soul mate, you may run from the knowledge of your potential and the inherent gifts you chose to be born into this life to give, but you cannot hide from them. They will always exist within your heart, your mind, and your conscience; and the day will come – perhaps on your last day on this Earth, perhaps this evening – the day will come when you will know who you are, who your soul mate really is, and why you are here. Imagine the joy and exuberance that await you as you come out of hiding, when you stop running, when you look beside you and see your treasure, your gift, the one person who will never let you down. The one person who sees, who knows, who accepts all of you, who shares so much of you. That one person patiently waits for you to allow your best to flow from your being, waits for you to be who you really are.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

Just pure you.

This is freedom.

This is a gift.

This is your gift to humanity and to this universe: to be you, and to treasure every moment. Release the fear. Be free. Hold nothing back. As you and your soul mate see each other, you recognize how fortunate you are to be able to journey through this life together, for as you know, there are only a few souls to whom you can truly relate. When you have found one another, be glad, and then be all you came here to be. Be yourself, and your soul mate will remain by your side, still doing his own work, in his own way, expressing his own individuality.

The dynamic of the soul mate union works this way:

His issues trigger your growth.

Your growth then challenges him to grow.

Your inner peace must come from your own individual healing, not from the healing of your soul mate. Your peace comes from within. It is from within each of your souls that your deepest truths and life purposes must be revealed, expressed, accepted, understood, and nurtured – first by yourself and then by your soul mate. Once your truths come to the surface, you will find that the love and bond you share will sustain you through the difficult process of individual growth and healing. As you achieve the personal healing of your deepest growth issues, you will feel inner peace. Then, together, you will experience the treasured bliss of the soul-mate union. After all of the turmoil, you will look back and realize that the process was necessary for healing, so you could, in fact, remain together and once again create your own heaven on Earth.

© Copyright 2001, 2003, 2011 by Barbara Rose, All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life. Published by The Rose Group (2003) ISBN: 097414570X.

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Self Love & Your Relationships

By Barbara Rose, PhD

1. How do I love myself?

2. How can I feel like I don’t need approval and validation from anyone else anymore?

3. Why is it so hard for me to love myself?

4. What can I do to really feel happy inside?

5. Why is it so hard for me to take a compliment?

6. How can I know if someone loves me for who I am?

THE ANSWERS

1. How do I love myself?

Love of Self is simply a view of Self. If you view yourself with a great deal of compassion, and suspend all judgment, then replace that judgment with understanding, and compassion, you will come closer and closer to love your authentic self.

So many people have taken on the views of others during their earlier years, and have not learned how to replace those views with the pure truth.

The way to do this is to immediately stop insulting yourself, cutting yourself down, and degrading yourself.

This is paramount! Instead of saying: “I stink at this” say: “I am doing my best, and that is all that is needed.”

You have to bring all of the small insulting lies that you tell yourself up to your conscious awareness.

Once you NOTICE what you are actually telling yourself, and if it is degrading, simply notice it without any judgment whatsoever, and then replace it with something more compassionate and understanding.

Speak to yourself the way you would to someone that you have great respect for.

Love for Self, and love for any other person comes from our views and perceptions. It is all within the mind. Our mind is governed by our thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings. Our feelings urge us into action, and the cycle continues.

So in order to truly love yourself, you must change how you view yourself, and that can only be with complete compassion, care, respect, and honestly taking a conscious effort to change the verbal abuse you dish out to yourself when you are not even aware of it most of the time.

People that love themselves do NOT degrade themselves. I wouldn’t dare degrade YOU, so please immediately stop degrading yourself, and come to embrace your unique qualities. You chose those qualities and attributes for your unique contribution in this world.

Honor what makes you “different” because that is your unique Light that you are on this Earth to shine!

Treat yourself the way you wish someone else would treat you, and always give yourself a heartfelt hug for the sacred person that you are.

2. How can I feel like I don’t need approval and validation from anyone else anymore?

If you are going to base your sense of self worth on the changing views and perceptions of others, then it is like building a house on shifting sand.

Every person has the right to their own views and perceptions, and no one has the right to judge you.

It is solely your view of self that matters, because only you can live your truth!

You know what feels true for you inside and what does not. Another person cannot ever live your truth, or tell you what is true for you.

Once you start to honor what feels true for you in your heart, and simply go for it without even speaking about it to anyone else, you will come to feel a great measure of inner confidence that grows each time you honor what feels right to you in your heart – not your head, or your fears, but in your heart.

It takes practice, like anything else, and once you get used to honoring and following your own inner truth, you will no longer feel the need to receive validation and approval from anyone, ever.

3. Why is it so hard for me to love myself?

It is hard because no one ever taught you how to honor yourself, your preferences, your talents, abilities, strengths, inner gifts, and areas of self expression that are uniquely yours.

So if you were never taught how to do something, why are you being so hard on yourself?

Now, all you really need to do – which is actually quite simple, is to tell yourself every good quality you have on the inside in front of the mirror, each day, based on your observable actions.

Begin a dialogue to become friends with the person you see every day.

So if you fed your pet, that is being caring. If you called a friend that is going through a hard time – that is being compassionate. If you went to work so you can pay your bills – that is being responsible.

So you are to walk up to that face in the mirror, and as hard as it will be for your ego to do this dialogue, what will happen is that you are slowly, day by day, going to become your own best friend. You are going to feel more self-appreciation. You are going to feel more care for yourself. This mirror process truly works! I have taught it to countless people over the last decade, and I also had to go through it myself for over two years, every day, to chip away at the lies I was told growing up, and replace it with authentic truth, based on my observable actions, so my big ego would actually believe me.

Trust that there will be fierce resistance to this from your ego in the beginning. I actually cursed at myself my first time in front of the mirror over a decade ago. I wouldn’t dare curse at myself now!

I can attest that every single person I teach this to, and share this with, now loves themselves genuinely. The ego is melting away, along with the self-degrading lies.

If you really want to love yourself, the old beliefs must be transformed. It is like cleaning out an inner closet with an old belief system, and replacing it with authentic truth.

No one can give this to you but you.

No one can love you and make you feel lovable.

You have to know and believe you are lovable.

This is just one technique that cost nothing, and brings about astounding change every single time.

You have to also realize that it is your responsibility to learn how to appreciate yourself, no matter what circumstances are facing you, and never seek to validate yourself from the outside in, because you can only be validated from the inside out. This will get you there a LOT faster than anything I have ever come across.

4. What can I do to really feel happy inside?

First, do the mirror technique that I outlined above twice a day, for two years.

Then, imagine that you have a clean slate before you – called your life – and that there was a guarantee that if you followed your truth, you could NOT FAIL.

What do you really want to do with your days and nights? If you had twelve million dollars in the bank, and you already owned every THING that you have ever wanted to own, what would you love to do so much that you would do it for free?

What are the natural talents and abilities that you have? What are you naturally good at? What makes you feel so alive?

These are the questions that you have to ask yourself, so that you can get to the core of who you are on the inside, and then you will be able to live it, and love every minute of it on the outside.

The only things that make me feel happy are when I am with my children, when I am giving my private consultations and intensives, writing (this for you : )) working (in absolute JOY) on inspire! magazine, going out in nature, doing my hobbies, really enjoying the night sky, or a sunset – they are simple pleasures. Being with friends and laughing – that’s something we could all use more of! Bringing through information from Divine Source in my writings – I love every minute of it! I love to travel (sometimes) and there is so much in life that I love. So I create time to do it all during my days and nights.

I had to CREATE my life, no one gave it to me.

You have to create the life of your dreams, based solely on what you love, and on how you can serve from your heart so that you are really making a difference.

For me, personally, there is no greater joy than when I am making a difference – that’s why I love the work (joy) that I do so much!

Many times I am volunteering and do NOT get paid for my work – like right now. And I still love it just as much as if I was paid ten thousand dollars for the few hours it takes to put this together.

You came into this life for a purpose. The key is to find out what that purpose is, so you CAN move in that direction, and live your life in-joy!

It is then that you will be doing everything that will make you happy, because you will be living from the inside out, rather than looking for an answer from the outside in.

5. Why is it so hard for me to take a compliment?

Probably because you are so used to taking insults. I was there too! If someone complimented me I would say: “Oh, that’s not true.” Because what I really wanted was more validation. I then learned a simple technique that actually changed that. I learned to simply say Thank You.

For the first dozen or so compliments, it was really hard for me to do that. Then, I began to feel more comfortable accepting a compliment.

NOW, I learned NOT to take a compliment seriously at ALL – because it is based solely and completely on the views of another person, and what is in their mind – which has nothing to do with me!

Additionally, I don’t take an insult personally either – how freeing!

I can be completely open to constructive critique, such as when I’m working on a project, however, I no longer take it into the core of my being like I used to.

Just say “Thank You” when someone compliments you, and should anyone ever insult you, just know that it is coming from their own perceptions, and never take it seriously.

Moreover, people do like to express their views. So if someone does share their views with you, just know that they are entitled to them, and maintain your own view of self with a lot of loving compassion, and zero self-judgment – that is the key!

6. How can I know if someone loves me for who I am?

By your keen instincts, the subtle things you pick up on, and really being honest with yourself. Perhaps someone adores you and you may not feel worthy of that. So you may doubt that anyone can really love you for you.

When you really love and value yourself, in a genuine way – without all of the ego, you will come to trust your feelings and perceptions. You will instinctually “know” if someone is for real or not. The trick here is are you being real with yourself, or are you playing games with yourself, and not following your own truth?

We tend to doubt others when we doubt ourselves. We also pick up on the authentic feelings other people have for us when we are being authentic with ourselves.

Trust your feelings, and get your head out of the way. Move more into your heart center and dare to expose how you really feel – even if it just to yourself. You will find that when you are completely honest with yourself, and the feelings in your heart, you can then learn to trust what you are picking up from other people. You will trust yourself, and you will be able to follow what feels true for you. You will also know if someone really does or does not love you – you will know – once you come to know and honor what you feel inside fully.

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© Copyright 2012 by Barbara Rose, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

Exclusive Excerpt Society’s Misconception of Soul Mates

Individual Power
By Barbara Rose, PhD

Society’s current conception of the term “soul mate”
is completely contrary to what the term really means.

Imagine two gallons of water taken from the Atlantic
Ocean. Both gallons consist of the same energy because
they were both part of the same ocean. Yet each gallon will
have its own experience separate from the other.
Now imagine a soul in the nonphysical realm that
chooses to experience different aspects of itself by inhabiting
two different people. Those people consist of the same
energy as that one soul: they are soul mates.
Most people on planet Earth do not meet their true soul mates;
to do so, to reach the stage where the gift of reunion
becomes manifest requires lifetimes of growth and evolution.
So far, only about two percent of the human population
have actually met their true soul mates.

When most people think of soul mates, they picture a man and woman
walking in some eternal garden of mental, emotional, and physical
paradise right here on Earth, without a day’s worry or tearful eye.
But as those who have met their soul mates will attest,
this picture of a garden of eternal, blissful paradise is anything but the truth.

Yet, once the challenges of their special union have been met successfully,
it becomes the truth.

How will you know if yours is indeed a union of soul mates? I will tell you.

How it feels to be in a union of soul mates.

From the moment you meet, there is a certain familiarity, a
knowing you cannot describe in words. In the beginning of
your relationship, you do, in fact, feel as if you were in
heaven on Earth. You feel love, a union, as if you were a perfect
match, which you are. You blend on all levels and in all
ways. You feel that you share something unique, something
mysterious yet so familiar. You understand each other instinctively, intuitively, and easily, as if you had known each other for eons, as indeed you have.

You see right through to each other’s core, and you see each other’s best.
Each of you is amazed, captivated, even overcome by the other’s energy,
intelligence, grace, and natural abilities; yet, at the same time, you see all of the other’s
weaknesses, the areas in which growth is needed. You are
not bothered by these weaknesses, however, because you
know or believe the other has what it would take to meet
these challenges and grow through them.

Your bond is akin to white on rice. You fit together hand in custom-made glove.
And, despite being so alike, you embody vast differences.
Certainly biological differences: one male, one female.
And perhaps intellectual differences: you
may be at opposite ends of the intellectual spectrum, with
one of you scientifically inclined and the other, spiritual.
Yet in your core you each carry and sustain a comfort level,
a feeling of safety and innate understanding you can never
put into words. For how can you possibly describe understanding
the very depths of one another such a short time after
your physical meeting in this life. You cannot.
It is inherent. Natural. It simply is.
And it is what you share: your souls, your energy, how in sync you are with each other, how you can sometimes finish each other’s sentences, how you have a psychic connection
that you have never experienced before. When you are together,
you do, in fact, feel you are in your own heaven, your
own paradise. You are, after all, with your true other half, so,
naturally, you feel as natural with the other and, at times, understand the other more than you understand your self. Do you know why?
Because you chose to meet in this life to grow. This is
where the challenges come into play.

How the soul-mate reunion brings profound growth and transformation.

A short while after your blissful bond becomes intense, the challenges – the true reasons why you chose to meet again and join physically in this life – come to the surface.
Havoc ensues.

Surely you are not on this Earth to stagnate but to grow.
And so ruffles appear within the relationship. But the ruffles
have a purpose: they bring to your attention those areas
within that each of you must confront, work through, and ultimately heal. No one but your true soul mate could intuitively pull out from your core depths those precise areas
that need to grow and heal. Of course growth is uncomfortable; it is far easier to stagnate.

Therefore, you may find yourselves engaged in a tug of
war. You may even break up temporarily. But no matter how
hard you try, you cannot ever escape the truth of your natural
bond. That bond, made up of the energy and chemistry
you share with your soul mate, can never be broken.
Because you cannot escape the truth, you have to face it;
And when you do, you reap great rewards indeed. When you
try to deny or turn away from the reasons you chose to be
with your true match, however, you put yourself through unnecessary pain.

It is precisely those areas of growth that you are meant to confront,
through, and heal – the areas your true match has gotten you to notice
– that make you to want to run and hide.
But because you can’t hide from the truth, you begin,
slowly, to realize that yes, you do have issues, core issues that
you deserve to heal. And your soul mate sees those issues
quite clearly, but they do not bother him or her nearly as
much as they bother you. They are simply your deepest challenges;
once you meet them, they are healed. Then you experience
once again so much of that heaven on Earth the two of
you had at the beginning of your relationship.

Denying those challenges is like trying to fight the current
of a powerful river. That river is your soul, trying to
carry you home to that place of wholeness within where the
false views and perceptions of self are finally healed.

Fighting this current is fighting the course you chose in order
to heal. Meeting your soul mate is the gift that enables
you to heal those aspects of your being you have been longing to heal.
This process has been set in motion only because you
chose to meet your true other half in this life, to experience
the healed, validated, and wonderful being that you are. It is
in sharing your growth process with the one who has the
same energy you do, the one with whom you fit so perfectly,
that you are able to see that process in action. It is then that
you experience that heaven-on-earth feeling and, together,
experience the perfect fit again. The paradox is that in order
to maintain that fit, you must heal that part within which no
longer serves your evolutionary growth.

The patterns of eons past no longer fit. So, in this life,
you chose to meet the one who you knew from the beginning was
your perfect match.

Fight as you may, that truth shall always be there. And,more than you can imagine, your soul mate is rooting for you to grow. Grow through and heal the false views of self that
hinder your evolution, that cause you to stagnate unnecessarily
in a life into which you were born to live, experience, explore,
thrive, and share the essence of yourself.

You try to run, but you cannot. Your heart longs for that
one person, that one true match who understands you so and
whose love is so pure. You have known that all along. And
though you may feel you do not deserve that love, this feeling
is a fallacy. We all deserve love, soul mate or not.
So, you have challenges that you have chosen to overcome.
And there, by your side, is this person who, for some reason
you cannot understand, has not told you to go away a long
time ago. The reason is that they are a part of you. They share
your energy. They are rooting for you. Once you decide to
overcome your growth challenges, then and only then will
you receive the true bliss of the soul-mate reunion.

The price is honest work on self, removing all old, ingrained,
negative patterns that no longer serve you, so you
can finally experience the true you, the you that you have
been working to achieve for many lifetimes in your evolutionary
process. The rewards are indescribable.

Like you, your soul mate has his own issues, which you pull out from within his very core.
Every time he tries to run away from facing his responsibility to self,
to work through and heal his issues, there you pop up again.

So you are each faced with a choice.
Avoid self growth, and leave your true match behind,
never to be forgotten, always to be longed for – or face those
aspects within yourself, work on them, and heal them so
you are finally and truly free of them. Then you will have
your special and perfect match by your side for the remainder
of this life.That is the choice.

© Copyright 2005, 2012 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved.

Excerpt re-printed with permission from the book Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life  © Copyright 2001, 2003, 2012 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved. Published by The Rose Group (April, 2003) ISBN-10:09741457X.

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