By Barbara Rose, PhD
It is crucial for you to know that every tactic you
may try to kill the genuine love you feel—avoidance,
logic, pushing loving feelings down whenever they pop
up, sarcasm, —all of those tactics do not work.
Let’s go through this process while you’re feeling
the sadness and emotional pain, and learn how to
quickly transform it, because once you go through this
process, you will experience inner peace.
Perception, Misery, Drama and Pain
The cause of our emotional pain comes directly
from our perception and our attachment on the ego
level that erroneously causes us to believe that
the person we deeply love is the source of our inner joy and
happiness. As a result, when that person is no longer in
our lives, we feel and believe that our joy has been taken
away and will never come back.
Then our minds swiftly zoom back to the past. We
go into longing mode. We long for the past. We get
deeply into listening to old love songs, and feel really
comfortable with our misery. Heaven forbid anyone
dares to change the music to happy songs. We visit
old places we used to go to together. This is especially
helpful to sink us further into the Valley of Misery. We
commiserate with whichever friend will listen to our
saga, otherwise known as heartbreak and drama. Oh
how the ego just loves this place! Then we continue to
wish it could be the way it was in the beginning, when
it felt like heaven on earth.
We reminiscence about the past and either block
it out or cry it out. And we wonder why we’re feeling pain!
We have become so deeply invested in the past that we
forgot about the whole reason we are in this life! You
are here to bloom and experience your greatest self.
In order for that to happen, we will have to force ourselves
to change the music.
The Misery Alert
Do you remember being in school when an
announcement alerted all teachers and students that
there was a test for a fire drill? Yeah! We got to get out
of our classroom (read most boring place at age ten)
and go outside to feel the spring breeze and sunshine.
We were taught how to prepare for a fire. We learned
the most important thing in the world. We learned to
get out calmly and quickly.
When we are feeling complete and utter misery,
we must get out of the past and focus on right now,
this moment, while we simultaneously look ahead.
Top Ten Misery Checklist
I’m going to share a brief misery ending checklist
that you can refer back to whenever you need it.
You may want to bookmark this page.
When you start thinking about him and the past:
Every single time you think about the past and
your relationship, force yourself to focus on right now.
As soon as you realize you are heavily invested in
the past, take a few deep breaths and force yourself to
When you start to hear old love songs, change the station.
When you drive by any of the places you used to
go to together, drive in the opposite direction.
If you’re wearing his shirt to sleep, donate it to a
needy cause or throw the shirt in the trash.
If he left things in your home, unclaimed, put
them in a box and leave it on his front lawn. If the
things are not important, such as his tooth brush, toss
it into the trash.
If he really put you through the ringer, write a book
about it! Just imagine for every tear you shed, you will
receive royalties instead!
You could write a really deep, misery laden love
song like Alanis Morissette’s classic hit “You Oughta
Know” or an empowering song like the classic from
Gloria Gaynor, “I Will Survive.”
Remind yourself that there can be massive gifts in
disguise just waiting for you if you tap into your creativity!
Start to read stories about other women who were
once dumped and how they turned their lives around.
Excerpt re-printed with permission from the book Get OVER Him FAST © Copyright 2009 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved Published by The Rose Group (September, 2009) ISBN-10:0978895568 ISBN-13:978-0978895563.