The Key to Ending Pain with Others

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By Barbara Rose, PhD

It has taken me 40 years to learn exactly how to free myself from pain with others. After reading the book The Dammapada I sat under a tree to contemplate, and meditate on the wisdom I was soaking in to the depths of my heart, mind and soul.

I remembered crying oceans of tears in my past, trying to “get it right” with relationships, and then, I felt a deep and profound inner transformation as the words “give compassion and understanding” came into my mind.

It was one of the greatest AHA moments that have changed my life.

While sitting under the tree, divine wisdom poured into my mind and I am deeply grateful to be able to pass this wisdom on to you.

When someone does or says something that is upsetting to you, give compassion and understanding for where they are on their path, for where they are coming from, rather than try to “get” them to understand you.

When you are giving compassion and understanding, you are no longer trapped into trying to get the same compassion and understanding from the other person.

If someone you love no longer wants to be in your life, give compassion and understanding, rather than try to get them back.

If someone disagrees with your way of doing things, give compassion and understanding for their views, and then simply continue to do as you prefer. There is no need to argue or debate. When you are giving, you are authentically awakened and empowered in the most altruistic sense a human being can attain.

If you are in a situation with someone who brings harm to you, remove yourself from that person completely, and give compassion and understanding for the level of growth they had at the time.

You see, when you are giving, you are living in the moment, and fully in charge, alive, vibrant, and are no longer seeking to get or obtain anything from anyone else. When you are trying to get something from another, such as approval, love, validation, permission, or anything else, this undermines the authentic power of your heart, mind, and soul combined. Once you give compassion and understanding you are free to BE who you really are, rather than dance around someone else’s tune to “get” his or her approval.

Think about it; by giving compassion and understanding, so many disputes can be settled in harmony. So many things that another did or said can be taken into that place of compassion and understanding within you, which will free you from anger, sadness, pain, and turmoil.

How long have you tried to “get” compassion and understanding from others? Probably decades. How far have you gotten? Probably not anywhere near where you are about to go.

With compassion and understanding as your guideposts in life, you can weather any storm. You are free to go with the flow of life, rather than try to create a new bend in a river. You are free to allow others their birthright to be who they are, without trying to change them. This in turn will free you.

The key to ending pain with others is to give others the compassion and understanding that you would like to receive from them instead. That is the key!

If others are giving you a difficult time, rather than try to get them to see your view, give compassion and understanding for their view. Then, there is no need for debates, arguments, criticism, or ill actions. Where compassion and understanding dwell, discord is eliminated.

Some of the most profound awakening concepts for humanity are so simple, that we are not taught to take them in and contemplate on them for permanent, lasting and positive change. Most people want the quick fix. And here, I am happy to give it to you: When you give compassion and understanding to others, you are forever free from the ego’s trap of trying to get anything from them. You are free to live as you most desire. You are free to forgive when you care about someone who may have made a mistake or did not live up to your expectations. You are free to fulfill your own expectations from the compassion and understanding you give to yourself, and this, I have experienced, will relieve your suffering and pain with others permanently.

© Copyright 2005, 2012 By Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved.

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