By Barbara Rose, PhD
What is surrender really all about?
So many of us, in the past including me, think too much. We worry, plan, doubt, and fight both ourselves and those we love.
So I asked: “What is surrender really all about?”
I received my answer, and much to my amazement, it isn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be.
So here it is:
Each of us came into this life to create the highest and best version of ourselves that we can possibly become.
This encompasses all aspects of our lives: all aspects of us. Not just our bank account, career stature, relationships, or acquisitions. It encompasses every part of who we are within: Every part of our BEING that you and I ultimately want to bring forth in our observable life, from within, to the outside.
There is a higher part of our consciousness. You can give this any name you prefer. The higher part of ourselves sees and knows exactly who we want to be. The grandest version we have of ourselves on every level.
We can look at where we are now in our lives, and compare that to how we ideally would love to be.
For example: I used to be quite needy and clingy in relationships. I felt insecure. I thought I needed to have a committed relationship in order to be happy. I used to tolerate a lot, sacrifice my own self-respect, and not rock the boat out of fear. However, deep inside, I genuinely wanted to BE independent, confident, strong, and have the guts to go with the flow while I showed respect to myself, towards anyone who was in my life, and passionately thrive on every level as a whole and complete individual.
Whatever is out of our comfort zone is the precise area that we are consciously resisting, because we are afraid. Thus it is in the explicit unconscious reaction where we find ourselves not bringing out our best, but instead, stagnating.
This is the precise area where surrender is key, to move precisely in that direction, because ultimately, the release of this fear will bring out who we authentically are – our highest and best version of ourselves.
After enough pain and regret, ultimately, we do ‘surrender’ however we are not giving up anything other than old outmoded patterns of expressing ourselves that completely go against the best self we can genuinely express.
So when you feel fear, or resistance, please know that it is a sign, a knock on the door of your consciousness that says: “Hey, this is bothering you, and upsetting you, because this is NOT who YOU REALLY ARE! This is the part of you that you learned throughout the course of your life to keep you from pain. However, being you are in some measure of pain NOW, your feelings of resistance are trying to get you to surrender.” To what? To the real you.
Once you are aware, you can then take the next step, which is action.
At the onset of this process, you will naturally feel great fear, because you are moving into personal territory that is unfamiliar to you.
The key is to do exactly what you fear most, as long as it does not bring harm to your or anyone, and there, in that sublime moment, you have actually conquered your fear, shed the belief that whatever you are resisting will ultimately hurt you, and as a result, you are now BEING the REAL you.
So when you surrender you are not leaping into a void of no return. You are leaping into the highest version of YOU that you have always wanted to become.
That is all “surrender” truly means. Surrendering to the real you, as opposed to the person that you thought you needed to be in order to feel safe.
Inner safety is for cowards. Inner risk is for the courageous.
Why do you think so many people love the underdog; the one who made it in ANY area of their life? There are great examples of people who conquered an addiction, or a fear of moving into a business venture that was passionately created from the inside out, which meant so much more than their seeming outer security, pension or retirement. Even the battered women who are petrified to leave, but somehow, find the guts from within to walk, as well as the men and women who finally become authentic, and risk showing love, rather than keep their beautiful hearts in the isolation of their comfort zone.
The only comfort zone that brings fulfillment, and reward, is risk. Without risk, there is no life. With it, you live passionately.
Once you do surrender to the area in which you personally find your greatest resistance, it is in that area, you will find the most profound rewards you can fathom.
Surrender to your rewards. They are waiting for you. Your rewards are the greatest you that you came into this life to create.
I dare you to do it – for you.
Igniting the Process.
Okay, the mini thesis above explained the mystery of surrender. Now here is how to go about actually doing it.
You can apply this to ANY and EVERY area of your life where you feel uncomfortable or resistant.
First: feel your feelings of resistance.
Second: NOTICE what you are feeling. Take a step back and acknowledge the feelings to yourself. Admit it! Say: “I feel afraid.”
Third: accept this feeling. Tell yourself it is okay to have this feeling. Just as you would accept that you are thirsty, even after you had a glass of water, a feeling is just a feeling, so, accept it without judgment.
Forth: release all negative judgment about having this feeling. Do you judge yourself for feeling cold on a winter night? Do you judge yourself for feeling afraid to sky dive? Many people feel like they are skydiving in varied areas of their lives. Simply accept whatever feeling you have, and tell yourself that it’s okay to have this feeling, period.
Fifth: Ask yourself what you would genuinely prefer deep in your heart. How do you prefer to BE? If you didn’t feel afraid, or label yourself and your feelings, what, precisely, would you be doing?
Sixth: acknowledge that the highest and best person you are within is trying to come out. Acknowledge that this is your personal evolutionary process, and respect yourself for going through this process. Do you judge a flower seed for not blooming two days after it is planted? No. You respect and honor the process of its individual growth. I assure you that you are worthy of the same respect you give to plant life.
Seventh: DO IT! Whatever it is, no matter how many labels you gave to yourself in the past. No matter how many prior fears held you back before. That is your HISTORY; it is not your destiny. Your destiny exists solely in one moment – NOW. Even if you’re trembling, DO what you genuinely WANT to do. The first time is the hardest. After this it’s like a snowball going downhill. Your confidence will increase. Your inner self will be coming to the surface.
Eighth: give yourself a much-deserved pat on the back.
Welcome home – to the REAL you.