By Barbara Rose, PhD
Perhaps you are not in a relationship, and perhaps you are avoiding one intentionally. I also experienced this phase. I was avoiding a new relationship because I hadn’t yet gained enough trust in myself to know that I would be safe by following my truth at all times. Avoidance of relationships is advisable only when you truly need time away from relationships to get to know yourself, who you are, and what you prefer; when you need time to develop confidence in following your truth.
Knowing your preferences regarding your romantic love life also means that if your romantic love life does not match your preferences and if it cannot be worked out to match your truth, then you will survive and be perfectly fine as you graciously exit the relationship.
Perhaps you are not ready to settle down with one person. Does this mean that you need to deprive yourself of experiencing joy and closeness, being a true friend, and sharing genuine companionship with someone? Not every relationship requires that you stay in it until your last breath in this lifetime.
This is why people get to know each other. Getting to know someone takes time and many experiences. As you begin to follow what your heart and guts are telling you rather than any fears or insecurities that pop up in your mind, you will come to know what real self-love feels like.
It feels like a ride down a river, a ride in which you are alert, awake, extremely aware, and going with the flow at each turn. If you discover that you truly do not desire to share more time with a person you have been with, then simply move on with your life.
Alternatively, if someone you loved simply stopped seeing you, it is so important for you to know that this has absolutely nothing to do with your worth or value as a human being. What if you truly did not desire to continue to be with someone? Does this mean that the person is not a valuable and worthy human being? No, all it means is that you have different preferences.
So if you feel sad over a recent breakup, which is so common, just know that as you begin to discover and create joy in your life by moving your life in a pure, positive, and enjoyable direction, your happiness will quickly return.
You cannot hinge your happiness on another human being, ever. When you begin to see that you can create joy in your life by living according to your preferences, you will feel a lot more secure inside.
© Copyright 2006 Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from the book Dear God, How Can I Finally Love Myself? (Published by The Rose Group, October 2006) ISBN: 0974145769.