Say “NO” Without Guilt, Relationship Answers and Overcoming Fears
By Barbara Rose, PhD
The following are key questions submitted by my subscribers along with the answers. They are here for you to help you honor your real truth, so that you can feel self love and your genuine worth as an equal member of the human race, which you most certainly are!
Question About Personal Transformation: “Is there 1 thing/technique or affirmation I can do to dissolve fear in my life? I’m sure there are many things I can do for this but many times I feel overwhelmed. So that is why I am asking for just 1 thing I can practice daily.”
“Yes. This is a lot simpler than many realize.
Every time you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed with fear, immediately become consciously aware of the thoughts that are going through your mind.
You will most likely discover that the ego has run rampant with mental thoughts and projections out in the future, creating scenarios within your mind that are actually causing your fears.
Once you notice this, immediately bring your conscious awareness right into the present moment. You can look at a tree, or anything in front of you, and remind yourself that the future based thought projections are literally imaginary. It is not actual reality in your current moment. Once you re-train your mind to keep focus completely in the now moment, those fears will literally vanish, and you will feel a lot more inner peace.”
Question About Love Relationships:“: Am I mistaken that a love relationship should be the most important and most fulfilling thing in my life? Someone to talk to about the highs and lows of life and work, and exchange affections with, phone calls or notes, etc., every day? Or am I too focused on relationship and need to get more from outside it, and from myself.”
“A partner, lover or friend can never be your oxygen tube for inner joy and happiness.”
The desire you have is trying to fill an inner void that you feel, and your thinking that if you had a fulfilling relationship THEN you would be happy is the ego leading you down a path that will always be filled with uncertainty, worry, and even anxiety. If you DID have the relationship and perhaps had a misunderstanding or a break-up, then your sense of joy would be shattered because it is DEPENDENT upon the other person.
Ideally, what you must re-discover is all of the goodness within you, as well as how you can bring your own unique purpose and expression out in your life, so your joy is created from within. Then it cannot be taken away from you. When you reach the point that you feel very fulfilled from within, and are perfectly neutral about a relationship, meaning that you are truly happy without one, and are simultaneously open to experiencing a great one when a phenomenal person enters your life, then you will be ready to share yourself and create a fulfilling relationship based on building a pure, solid friendship over time.
Your relationship will no longer come from a place of NEED, but of choice, while you feel the inner confidence to be completely transparent, sharing your authentic self. Additionally, you ideally would be far better off really becoming your own best friend FIRST, so that you attract a person with the same high level of self love and esteem who will have the capacity to be entirely authentic with you.
Question About Overcoming Fears of Saying NO
“How to learn to say “no” and not have a bad conscience when people are asking for just a little help when you actually do not feel for that or have no time and doing this would make you feel as you stealing precious time from yourself.”
“When you notice your feelings and you consciously realize that you truly prefer to say “no”, all you need to do is say so graciously.”
You can say that you’re not able to, or that it’s just not a good time for you, or you don’t feel comfortable doing what is being asked of you.
Like anything else, in the beginning it feels scary to say “no”, but each time you do, you are building a strong foundation of self truth that creates a clear, definitive, and healthy internal boundary that you can count on, which leads to tremendous self confidence and high self esteem.
What you are doing is honoring your truth, rather than forsaking your truth just to please someone else in order to gain approval and acceptance, or to look good. This gets easier and easier each time you honor your real truth, based on how you really feel.
After a while you will automatically reply coming from a place of pure self truth, and you will feel great about it, because you are giving yourself the acceptance that you previously felt you needed from the other person. Your self esteem grows stronger each time, built on authenticity. Then, you realize you are becoming your own best friend, and will never again let yourself down just to please another person.
© Copyright 2011 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved.