Exclusive Excerpt – The Ultimate Guide to Self Love
By Barbara Rose, PhD
The Critics Who Tell You What You “Should” Be Doing
Perhaps there are people in your life who don’t truly know how to be supportive of you, accept you unconditionally, and show kindness to you. Perhaps, just as in my life years ago, there are people in your life who seem very adept at telling you what you “should” be doing. Do you know what? They are entitled to their views and opinions, and those views and opinions have absolutely nothing to do with you.
I have traveled this path in my own life. My brother, whom I do love very much, called me “a little left of center.” Okay, he’s entitled to his views; and I do not have to try to change them or prove anything to him. Additionally, my mother, whom I also love very much, told me repeatedly to “get a real job” and “work for a corporation” after my first two books were published and I had already worked with many people to help them transform their lives. This was prior to my beloved Mother’s recent passing,
Now, this book is about you, not me; but the only way I can help you is by sharing examples from my own life so you know that I have also been there.
Handling Unwanted Advice and Guidance
Now I am going to share with you how to handle the people who perpetually guide you in your life, so you can move forward in the most positive way.
First, stop sharing what you do, your ideas, plans, creative ventures, worries, fears, and business with anyone who is not fully supportive of you. Simply be kind and cordial. When they ask you what’s going on, tell them about domestic chores and that you just changed the linens on your bed. When they ask how you are doing, say, “Good! No complaints.” After a while, no matter what was happening in my life, when all I discussed was domestic chores and had no complaints, they had nothing to tell me in regard to my life direction because I was no longer feeding them personal information.
The only people I discuss my personal life with are people who love me unconditionally and are emotionally supportive of me. If someone is putting you down, telling you what to do, minding your business, or guiding you, if what they say goes against what feels true to you inside, then simply thank them for their opinion and change the topic of conversation.
You do not need anybody’s approval but your own. The people in your life who are quite adept in minding your business most likely are not living their passion, are not filled with self-love, and are not truly working in an area that they would do for free for the rest of their lives if they could. This is where your passion and life purpose come into play, and I will guide you through this as well because it has a lot to do with how you view yourself and how you feel about yourself.
What to Say and When to Say it
If you do not yet have a loving support system of positive people in your life, before you do attract those people, it is imperative that you stick to your truth regarding your personal life and stop discussing it with anyone who is not a positive, life-enhancing support system for you. When people in your life suggest how you “should” live your life, simply say, “Thank you for your opinion.” Period. Please realize that many people may think that what they are telling you is in your best interest. Rather than telling you what to do, I am guiding you now to start looking within your heart and asking yourself what truly matters to you, and what you naturally love to do. I will get into this in more detail in the next chapter.
But here I will repeat what I said before: It is so important that you know you are not in this life to win approval from anyone on earth. You are in this life to bring out your real qualities, rather than continuing to tell yourself that you are not yet whole and complete, because you really are. You may not feel it yet, but you will. Your life may look different from how you would prefer it to look, but it will be transformed from the inside out.
Your Talents, Gifts and Purpose
It all begins with getting to know and rediscover the best qualities you have within you, along with all of your natural talents and gifts, so you can align them with a purpose that comes from your heart. That purpose is called your life purpose, otherwise known as the reason you came into this life to begin with, and it all comes from the inside out, not the outside in.
Before I bring you to this place deep within your heart, it is important for you to remember that no matter what anybody says to you or about you, the only thing that matters is that you know the real you, and that you live your truth every moment of your life.
Your Experiences and Worth
The complaints you have about yourself definitely do not reflect your pure inner worth, because this worth resides in your heart. The circumstances in your life, my life, everybody’s life on earth are all transient circumstances. This means that they are temporary; not one of them lasts forever. Perhaps just as in my life years ago, the circumstances in your life may be everything other than what you truly desire.
It is important to know that your circumstances never reflect your worth. They are temporary circumstances, period. Your worth cannot be purchased or sold. Your worth has nothing to do with your appearance. Your worth has nothing to do with what you own. Nor does it hinge on a title or a position in society.
No matter what phase of life you are currently experiencing, please know and always remember that your worth is the goodness you were born with in your heart, and from this moment forward, anything that you have been viewing as the basis for your worth can instead be viewed as an experience you would like to have.
Moreover, the critics who may be in your life are actually wonderful catalysts to get you to be true to you. Not to them, to you. Additionally, your truth does not have to be publicly announced. It can remain inside of your heart while you simultaneously move your views of yourself in a more truthful direction consciously, and move your entire life in the direction that reflects the truth you prefer in your deepest heart. It is time that what you feel, think, say, and do all match, in a positive, pure, and life-enhancing manner.
Excerpt © Copyright 2010 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved, Exclusive Book Excerpt republished with permission from the book The Ultimate Guide to Self Love Published by The Rose Group (October 2009) ISBN-13: 978-0-9795161-5-3.