Transforming the Unknown: How to Transform What’s Holding You Back When You Don’t Know What it Is
By Barbara Rose, PhD
If you have reached a point in your life when you realize that you are unhappy, unfulfilled, weary, and feel more emptiness than joy, you have reached a crucial point: that of realization.
When you look at your life and you can find all you do not like about it, this is the realization that can lead to change.
Perhaps there are aspects of your life that you do like, even if the rest of your reality feels stuck and unfulfilled.
The purpose of this book is to bring you insight regarding exactly how you can transform anything in your life that has been holding you back from blooming, even if you don’t know what it is.
This process isn’t very complicated, but it is easier said than done. For example, you might look at a relationship you are in and feel sad, disappointed or abused-just as I once did. You may know your sadness; but knowing how to transform it requires higher guidance. This is the guidance that comes from the highest aspect of your consciousness, rather than the fear- laden ego aspect that lives at the level of your personality.
It is one thing to realize that you feel unfulfilled. It is quite another thing to be willing to do whatever it takes with dignity, honesty, ethics and truth so that your realizations can become transformations.
I used to be one deeply unhappy person. And I have met thousands of people from all over the world who are also deeply unhappy.
The key here is to ask yourself how much longer you are willing to be unhappy-how much longer you are willing to keep the status quo.
This is the first part of transforming what’s holding you back in life. You are being given a choice that only you can make.
Whatever the misery, whatever the unhappiness is about-relationships, work, finances, self confidence-no matter what you are facing, how much longer do you want things to remain the same?
First, it is crucial that you actually admit to yourself any aspect of your life you feel unhappy about. Then it is crucial for you to ask yourself when you want to have things change. Changing your unhappiness to happiness will mean changing what makes you unhappy: the circumstances, views, perceptions and daily living that perpetuate your misery.
I once had a client who was unhappy about a certain aspect of her life. It required courage for her to move in a new direction so she could feel joy instead of pain. I remember the words that literally flowed through me to her: “Okay how much longer would you like things to stay the way they are, because we’ve got plenty of time. Do you want things to change in ten minutes? Ten hours? Five months? Or Four years? She started to laugh as she realized that the decision to turn things around could only be made by her.
The same is true for me and you. Only you can decide when you have had enough of the old way and when you have reached a critical threshold-a turning point within your mind and heart that summons up the courage to actually turn things around.
It is okay, and it is even quite normal, to know what you are unhappy about while, at the same time, you may not have a clue as to how to turn things around.
At this point what is crucial for you is to decide when. Not how. Just when.
So if you are one of the millions of people who are unhappy with how you are spending your life, feeling dull, lacking passion and inspiration about your life, when do you want to change this?
The answer you give is going to determine whether or not any aspect of your life actually transforms.
I know many people who are deeply unhappy in their marriages. And as unhappy as they are, they have no intention whatsoever of doing anything about it-such as leaving the relationship. They are people who are choosing out of fear to keep the status quo, and they will not experience a change because they don’t want to.
You have to desire to turn your life around before your desire turns into change. And the step between desire and change is action.
It does not matter that you don’t know how to do it, the only thing that matters is your deep willingness to create change. Again, this is a choice only you can make. No one can live your life for you, and no one can fix your life but you.
It is your individual responsibility to start right where you are and to decide, in the deepest part of your heart, how you would prefer things to be. Whatever you would like to turn around has to have real deep meaning to you. This is actually called care. You have to care more about creating change than you do about keeping things the same.
The level of growth and transformation you experience will be in direct proportion to the measure of desire and willingness you have within you to make great headway in a new direction.
To make this process simpler, let’s suppose that you are completely dissatisfied with your whole life in every area. This means that you experience outright misery every day. You feel drained, and don’t know how to get more energy to transform this exhaustion.
For many people-and you may very well be one of them-just the thought of transforming life feels exhausting.
I used to feel this way. I remember sharing in my first book, Individual Power, that when I embarked on the process of changing my life, I felt as if I was standing at the bottom of Mt. Everest, looking up, and saying, “No way! I can’t do this.” But that “can’t” was not true. I just needed the gumption, the energy, to start. And each hour of each day would provide me with all of the aspects of my life that I felt unhappy about. Perhaps you, too, feel this way every hour of your day; maybe even every minute.
In the next chapter I am going to share with you how to transform anything in your life-even if you do not have a clue about what needs transforming, when, and in what priority.
There are many examples shared throughout this book; I’m guessing that you will be able to relate personally to at least some of them. The key now is to ask yourself if you are ready to learn how to transform what feels un-transformable.
Excerpt © Copyright 2010 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved, Exclusive Book Excerpt re=published with permission from the book Transforming the Unknown: How to Transform What’s Holding You Back in Life When You Don’t Know What It Is Published by The Rose Group (October 2009) ISBN-13: 978-0978895549.