Perception, Misery,
Drama and Pain
The cause
of our emotional pain comes directly from our perception and our attachment on the ego level that erroneously causes
us to believe that the person we deeply love is the source of our inner joy and happiness. As a result, when
that person is no longer in our lives, we feel and believe that our joy has been taken away and will never come back.
Then our minds swiftly zoom back to the past. We go into longing mode. We long for the past. We get deeply into listening
to old love songs, and feel really comfortable with our misery. Heaven forbid anyone dares to change the music to happy songs.
We visit old places we used to go to together. This is especially helpful to sink us further into the Valley of Misery. We
commiserate with whichever friend will listen to our saga, otherwise known as heartbreak and drama. Oh how the ego just loves
this place! Then we continue to wish it could be the way it was in the beginning, when it felt like heaven on earth.
We reminiscence about the past and either block it out or cry it out. And we wonder why we’re feeling pain!
We have become so deeply invested in the past that we forgot about the whole reason we are in this life! You
are here to bloom and experience your greatest self. In order for that to happen, we will have to force ourselves to change
the music.
The Misery Alert
Do you remember being in school when an announcement alerted
all teachers and students that there was a test for a fire drill? Yeah! We got to get out of our classroom (read
most boring place at age ten) and go outside to feel the spring breeze and sunshine. We were taught how to prepare for a fire.
We learned the most important thing in the world. We learned to get out calmly and quickly.
When we are feeling complete and utter misery, we must get out of the past
and focus on right now, this moment, while we simultaneously look ahead.
Top Ten
Misery Checklist
I’m going
to share a brief misery ending checklist that you can refer back to whenever you need it. You may want to bookmark this page.
When you start thinking about him and the past:
Every single time you think about the past and your relationship, force yourself to focus on right now.
As soon as you realize you are heavily invested in the past, take a few deep breaths and force yourself to smile.
When you start to hear old love songs, change the station.
When you drive by
any of the places you used to go to together, drive in the opposite direction.
If you’re
wearing his shirt to sleep, donate it to a needy cause or throw the shirt in the trash.
If he left
things in your home, unclaimed, put them in a box and leave it on his front lawn. If the things are not important, such as
his tooth brush, toss it into the trash.
If he really put you through the ringer, write a book about
it! Just imagine for every tear you shed, you will receive royalties instead!
You could
write a really deep, misery laden love song like Alanis Morissette’s classic hit
“You Oughta Know” or an empowering song like the classic from Gloria Gaynor, “I Will Survive.”
Remind yourself that there can be massive gifts in disguise just waiting for you if
you tap into your creativity!
Start to read stories about other women who were once dumped
and how they turned their lives around.
