By Barbara Rose, PhD

The Questions

1. How can I say goodbye when I don’t want to?

2. What if I love someone, and we are no longer together but he/she is moving away?

3. Can you please explain why some people keep returning to each other after repeated break-ups?

4. How do I stop thinking about the past and hoping for the future?

5. What do I do with all of the love I still feel for that person?

The Answers

1. How can I say goodbye when I don’t want to?

When a circumstance happens that your personality might not like, it is imperative that you stop fighting what the universe is showing you, and start to look for the blessing in disguise, as well as the higher reason behind it.

When you truly learn to go with the flow, in the moment, you will gain a great deal of trust. What you will ultimately trust is that it is happening for your highest good and for the highest good of the other person. You might not see the higher reason at the current time, but you definitely will in hindsight.

You do not own another person. He or she can do whatever he or she wants to do. How could you not say goodbye if that is being asked of you? This is the root of desirous attachment. Your desires might be too attached to the other person in a way that is not healthy. The only way to release this, as with anything else, is with tremendous love and compassion for you and for the other person.

Look at what good can possibly come out of the situation. Look for what might very well be for each of your highest good. Replace “want” with “prefer”. You “prefer” to trust that there are higher reasons behind this situation and what you “want” might not be possible at this time. It might be possible in the future, or never. Release that grip with a flow of unconditional love. This will serve each of you far better than holding on for dear life. As a matter of fact, a “dear life” is what you ultimately “want” both for you and the other person. Allow it to be what it is. As soon as you begin to “allow” then you will begin to feel inner peace, and the pain will vanish.

2. What if I love someone, and we are no longer together but he/she is moving away?

The greatest thing you can do is go into your deepest heart, that place where pure unconditional love resides, and wish that person the greatest life that any human being can possibly have. If you are able, you can let the person know that you love him/her, and that he or she can always call you if they ever want to. Then, with pure, transparent love, view the other person the way you would view a butterfly, and allow him or her to fly away freely, while you simultaneously send him or her your love and purest good wishes.

Sometimes people need to move away to have a fresh start. Sometimes they need to separate from the past so they can grow, heal, transform and bloom into their highest expression of self in this lifetime. Sometimes they need to re-create an entire new life. If you truly and genuinely love this person, you have to realize that it requires a great amount of self love to be able to allow another to go away so that you do not feel tortured inside, but that you feel love and inner peace.

Begin to view your love as the gift that it is, and view yourself with tremendous pure love, without condition. This means that there is no condition that validates how lovable or worthy you are. And, this includes whether or not a person is in your life.

It is vital that you realize that you are not saying goodbye to the love you feel, you are merely saying goodbye to the old circumstances. If you have not been together, chances are great that each of you needed to grow and perhaps could not do this while remaining physically together.

View this new circumstance as a positive experience for greater self love, for each of you! See the good in it. It is there, and if you look for it, you will find it! Under all circumstances, find the love in the situation, and how this is serving as a positive catalyst in each of your lives. This will bring you into a great deal of trust, and the pain will be replaced by unconditionally loving acceptance. This in turn leads to a great deal of inner peace.

3. Can you please explain why some people keep returning to each other after repeated break-ups?

There is only one thing in this universe can never be destroyed and this is pure love. When two people deeply love each other and have repeated break-ups this is a clear indication that each person has growing to do, or they, just like everyone else on earth, would not be in this life to begin with.

When two people are together and they trigger each of their deepest growth issues, deep rooted feelings will naturally come to the surface. Then the ego takes its typical “fight or flight” position. Some people break up when what they are feeling is triggering so much inside, that they just want to get away. In this case, the ego has won its temporary battle. However, as time passes, and each person has solitude to so some deep soul searching, they discover that they did, in fact, have some growing to do on the personal level. They even realize that the other person was a wonderful catalyst for this growth. The love comes back to the surface, and they somehow get back in touch with each other because the love truly never died!

Some people call this a “love/hate, can’t live with him/her, can live without him/her” relationship. Personally, I do not agree with this view, as it is giving a surface excuse that labels something far deeper and wiser. I would call it profound love, growth and realization that has phases of togetherness and separation when needed for the growth of each person.

Relationships that are this deep have clearly come into our lives for higher reasons, and they are all related to growth. First for self, possibly to learn how to be authentic in a relationship, and ultimately it serves a positive purpose for many others.

If you find that you have been apart many times, and have returned to each other many times, I would venture to say that you have each grown tremendously as a result. Would you agree with this view? This is “why”. It is all for growth. The other reason “why” is because pure love never dies, ever. So when you are together love and treasure every moment. When you are apart, love yourself while you bring your greatest contributions into this world. Under all circumstances give yourself and the other person pure, transparent love, while you trust that everything really is in divine order, and working out for each of your highest good.

4. How do I stop thinking about the past and hoping for the future?

Your mind is going to have thoughts and memories about the past. You might hear a song that brings back certain memories. You might come across something or some place that reminds you of the person you love. There are two key components to this.

The first one is allowing the thoughts to come to the surface instead of trying to get rid of them and block them out. They might trigger a lot of feelings and it is important that you acknowledge their existence. You can realize and learn a lot from what is coming into your mind from the past. You can grow and learn from these past memories. You can see how much you have already grown, and you can cherish the times you had in the past for all of the good it did bring into your life, even if some of those times were difficult. In this case, allow, acknowledge and come into your truth about what your thoughts and feelings are trying to get you to see, feel and recognize. You can have wonderful realizations if you take this approach and it is entirely empowering!

The second disempowering aspect of thinking about the past is dwelling in it and wishing it were the same. This takes you out of the now moment, when your creativity, and creatively thinking by looking for a higher reason as to why you are feeling this way will serve you so much better.

You cannot re-do the past. It is behind you. You can only go forward from this point one moment at a time. So if a past memory comes up, allow it to! What is it trying to tell you? How do you really feel about it? Come into your truth. Then, go with what you are getting. If the person you love contacts you, be REAL! If the person you love never contacts you again, trust and accept what is, and with a great amount of loving compassion for yourself, focus on what you can experience or create in this now moment.

The only time it will serve you to think about the past is when you truly want to learn and grow from your past experiences. Trying to bring back the past is like trying to bring back a breeze that passed by. But, you can always have a new breeze come your way. It could be the same person, or a new person. It could be many experiences you came into this life to express. The greatest thing you can do with your memories of the past is give them a lot of love, because they did serve you well, especially if they were difficult. If you are dwelling in a negative manner, then this is hindering your growth. Ask yourself what you have learned, and what means the most to you.

Above all, trust that you would not be where you are today if those experiences were not in your life, and you are not meant to keep re-living the events of your past. You are here to create new, positive and life enriching ones.

Can they be with the same person? That is up to each person’s free will and choice. You can trust one thing, however, and that is that if it is meant to be for your highest good, it will be, no matter which way it turns out.

In a nutshell, view the past with love and appreciation. Then you can take all of the growth you have made and create, live, be and express so much more.

Hoping for the future is a complete waste of time. Why? Because it is detracting from this now moment when all creation exists! Pull yourself into NOW, and you will feel guided from within. Life will begin to flow smoothly, effortlessly, and everything will fall into place for your highest good. If you could only realize how profound this now moment is, when events happen that you would call a miracle, you will cease to live projecting into the future, and you will create everything from your heart NOW. There is nothing more pure and positive, and it all comes from your heart. TRUST that everything is unfolding according to your highest good. As you begin to get centered in this now moment, go with what your inner guidance and gut feelings are telling you! ALWAYS follow your inner guidance. THAT is what will create your “future” and it will result in the greatest life you could possibly have.

5. What do I do with all of the love I still feel for that person?

Allow it to be there. If you try to fight the love, try to get rid of it, and try to avoid it, I can pretty much guarantee that it is like trying to fight, get rid of and avoid the fact that sunlight exists.

If you feel love, then honor and acknowledge those feelings! They are letting you know your truth. Just by doing that alone will simultaneously bring you into your truth, and will stop the internal battle of your ego and your heart. What is so terrible about feeling love? Only what you believe can harm you, and those beliefs must be uprooted so you can at least feel your truth. Then, look at what is happening now. If you can, or wish to get in touch with the person you love, do so! If you know or have been asked to leave that person alone, then honor and respect what he or she asked of you. This must be done with purity of motive, with love and respect for yourself and for the other person.

If you are not able to be in contact with that person, simply feel your feelings, and create the best that you can out of them! The key here is to realize that it is okay to feel love for someone, however, it must be a “transparent” love with purity and zero “tactics” run by ego to push anything based on an agenda, an ego agenda. This “agenda’ includes denial of your feelings. That is EGO in its prime.

Alternatively, you can write a book, a song or create something positive for others. Most importantly, you can love yourself for having the capacity to love! This is a GIFT in life, and it is one of the greatest gifts you can ever feel and express in any positive manner.

When you think of that special person, in your mind, wish him or her pure love, freely. When you are giving that from your heart, the other person will feel it. As long as it is pure, meaning that you truly wish the best for that person, you will then be able to bring out the best you have within you. This can also help many other people who are feeling the same way. How do I know this? You might wonder, so I will give you the answer. I recently experienced all of this, and the pure love remains beneath it all. I now trust that there really IS a higher reason for everything that happens.

I now know that there is perfect orchestration in this universe and everything is unfolding for the highest good of all, every step of the way. As I trust I learned to stop fighting it all, because there are precious gifts within every circumstance – I had to first learn to look for them, instead of what my ego used to either be attached to or avoid. I know that pure love never dies, and I had to stop trying to get rid of it. I had to ALLOW it and create the best that I can from it. At the same time, from the most pure place within, I do wish that very special person the greatest life any human being can ever have. I also wish this for you!

© Copyright 2012 by Barbara Sherry Rose, PhD All rights reserved.