How Do I Say Goodbye to Someone I Love?

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By Barbara Rose, PhD

The Questions

1. How can I say goodbye when I don’t want to?

2. What if I love someone, and we are no longer together but he/she is moving away?

3. Can you please explain why some people keep returning to each other after repeated break-ups?

4. How do I stop thinking about the past and hoping for the future?

5. What do I do with all of the love I still feel for that person?

The Answers

1. How can I say goodbye when I don’t want to?

When a circumstance happens that your personality might not like, it is imperative that you stop fighting what the universe is showing you, and start to look for the blessing in disguise, as well as the higher reason behind it.

When you truly learn to go with the flow, in the moment, you will gain a great deal of trust. What you will ultimately trust is that it is happening for your highest good and for the highest good of the other person. You might not see the higher reason at the current time, but you definitely will in hindsight.

Excerpt © Copyright 2013 by Barbara Sherry Rose, PhD All rights reserved.

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33 thoughts on “How Do I Say Goodbye to Someone I Love?

  1. I’ve been friends with a guy for over 20 years and we’ve been friends who have never caught the right time to date although feelings appeared to be there for one another. He married and moved on, I was single – eventually, I knew I had to move on since he chose to commit and move on – now we’re both married and we’re friends til this day, he says that will never end. However, when we hang out, feelings arise on both sides and tensions appear – what do we do? The friendship has appeared to change from the simple fun thing it used to be to a tense struggle of keeping intimacy at bay, he says one thing, his actions aren’t concrete – I’m so confused. I know I’m playing with fire, but I don’t want to let go of our friendship, I don’t want to lose the ability to hang out….. help please.

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    • Hi Anonymous,

      It is unethical to carry on this type of connection with a married person. My guidance to you from my heart is for you to move forward with your life completely and allow room for your perfect match to enter your life, if you do not feel your spouse is your perfect match. ONLY do what you would want someone you are involved with AND married to – to do to you. It is not ethical for you to carry on your “friendship” with strong physical attraction behind his wife’s back. If he does this to her, he would (and in essence is) doing the same thing to you. It is called a String Along Relationship.

      Please move forward with your life, view him with loving compassion, and end all communication. This will free you in every sense and you will no longer be “playing with fire.”

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  2. I have to say goodbye to my true love, my soul mate. We met 8 years ago and dated for 3 months before he broke off the relationship. We still talked and visited each other frequently. When he got a girlfriend it broke my heart, but I realized I had to move on. I dated a guy for almost 3 years, but nothing compared to the feeling I had for him. We stopped talking for about 2 years and he made contact with me again after he broke up with his girlfriend. The feelings rushed back. He told me he broke up with me years ago, because he was scared of the feelings he had for me. He said he never felt that way about anyone and wasn’t ready for such a commitment yet. He told me that he do know he is going to marry me one day. Then he just stopped talking to me. He got a girlfriend and I remained single. a year passed and he made contact with me again. It’s as if we never stopped talking. He understands me and I understand him. He broke up with his girlfriend and we saw each other for a few weeks. He again told me he knows I’m the woman he is going to marry. Then he again stopped talking to me when he got a new girlfriend. I carried on with my life and even though I remained single I was contempt with not talking to him. He again made contact with me a few months ago, we talked and again it was like we never stopped talking. And then he came to visit. It was amazing…talked for hours, laughed so much and we were both just happy. He introduced me to some of his friends and he started talking about a future for us. He told me he wanted to get back together with me and he doesn’t know why we never went out again after the first time. We visited each other often and talked every day. It just felt right, all my feelings came rushing back. we had deep conversations and we had fun together. And now he doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t reply to my messages and I don’t know why. We never fought. The last time we saw each other he was still talking about a future and the last text I received from him ended in kisses. He just suddenly disappeared. I just realized I have to let him go now…I can’t let this happen to me again and again. Why he keeps on coming back into my life and then just disappears again I don’t know…I still feel he is my perfect partner and I will never feel this way about another man, but I will learn to live without him. I know he feels something for me, I can see it when he looks at me and the way he is around me. Should I send him a goodbye text or do I just leave it and move on…I don’t know! I just know I have to say goodbye to the one I love with all my heart.

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    • Dear Mali,

      What you described is so common and I understand it all too well. Just place all of your focus on your own life purpose and simply acknowledge the feelings you have – notice them, then shift your focus on to something else – so you are not emotionally stuck in the here today gone tomorrow scenario. You may want to download the e-book “How Do I Say Goodbye to Someone I Love”. This can really help you. In answer to your question – NO – do not send him a goodbye text because this relationship is NOT over. Live your life for you and only focus on him when you are in actual communication with him. I truly hope this helps you and thank you for posting your valuable question.

      Sending you much love,
      Barbara

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      • Thank you for your advise, it really helped. We texted last weekend and he said we should get together because there are some things he want to tell me. We agreed on last week Monday, but when the day arrived he just didn’t pitch up or texted to say he isn’t coming. Don’t know what game he is playing and I am really curious as to what he wanted to tell me. We haven’t spoken since. It is his birthday in two weeks, think I should leave him alone and just send him a birthday text on that day and see if he replies to that.

        Thank you so much for your help.

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        • Dearest Mali,

          Move forward with your life and simply leave him alone. I HIGHLY suggest that you read the book Stop Being the String Along as this book was written when I was going through exactly what you are now. You can download it wholesale from my Books page, or get it from Amazon. It will make all of the difference in the world for you, just like it did for me!

          If you want to have a Higher Guidance Private consultation click on the link of the post that says “YOU CAN RISE AGAIN” as there is a special fee that is dramatically reduced for people who really need help but cannot afford my regular fee. This can clear up so much for you.

          I hope all of this helps you!

          Sending you much love,
          Barbara

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  3. Hey there! I’ve been reading your web site for a long time now and finally got the
    bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Atascocita Texas!
    Just wanted to mention keep up the fantastic job!

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  4. I find my self at a breaking point where i feel it best to say goodbye to someone i truly love with all my heart. We dated twice the last time better then the first and each time i fell more and more for her, but we broke up and we trying to remine friends , but our feeling keep getting in the way mine probably more so then hers, one we just friend then the next we not sure we want each other in our, then it seems like we our falling for each other all over again that we will be geting back together that meant to be, but then something happens and she not sure about her feeling again and i find my self in so much pain and i don’t want end this friendship or say goodbye to her, to us, to everything, but it getting to hard for both of us, her not know what she wants and how she feels fully and me still wanting to be with her forever, but things have changed, she has changed and i don’t think i can do this anymore it to painful, but at the sometime it bring me to tears to try say goodbye to the girl i always thought i would spend forever with and marry and have kids and a family with and grown old with, a girl i’m still madly in love with, the feeling never seems to faid, it just grows, but right now to pain to be friends with her and try to see her as only a friend, i know this for a while that ii have say goodbye, that will be best not only for me, but for both us, that it all just to painful right now and it for the best to end now. But still i have no ideal how say goodbye to her to this all, every time i try i end up in tears or fighting off them, cause i always want in my life and i don’t want say goodbye, but it to painful right now and i think best for both of us.

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    • Hi I Choose to be nameless,

      My honest guidance to you is to NOT say goodbye! Roll with this. Allow her the space she may need and for her to fully come to terms with what she feels for you by focusing completely on your life purpose – the difference you make in this world. This will take your focus off of her and that will greatly ease your pain. Show her the shining you! Be her friend. She is being a great catalyst for your personal growth – to take your focus and place it on creating the greatest life imaginable. I am sure this is a deep soul level connection – so grow, get inspired and TRUST that what is meant to be WILL be. Allow life and this relationship to unfold. Take a step back without saying goodbye. Be her best friend. I honestly believe that this will help you greatly and I sincerely hope it does!

      Sending you much love,
      Barbara

      Like

      • She changed and she decided to stuff with a guy she don’t ever see her self with in the end, basically she is acting out lust and says she not ready to for a real real relationship and see me as only a friend right now and not sure of her feel for me past that, she said want to try again the future, that she whould always regret if she didn’t, now she said she want to stay friend and if she single and it goes somewhere then she fine with trying, she stop believe in love and is act and doing thing that only bring pain, i think best i say goodbye till she can make up her mind on stuff or i can see her as only a friend and not be in pain, and in one way she is moving on and i should try to also, and i will never be able to move on if i don’t say goodbye for at awhile, also it give her time to discide on what want out this and in life, with out me and feeling geting in the way and confusing her,

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  5. I simply want to mention I am just newbie to blogging and site-building and definitely enjoyed this page. Most likely I’m want to bookmark your website . You really come with tremendous articles. Cheers for sharing your web-site.

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  6. I said goodbye a few days ago to a man I love dearly. We are both married to other people and while my husband accepts our deep, multi-layered friendship (one that began 37 years ago when I was only 9 years old), this man’s wife (who is 30 years older than me and 13 years older than him) feels threatened by it–threatened by me. This man is much older than me–he is like the father I never had, the friend I always wanted, the grown man I always loved–my feelings for him are very complicated. But I have a wonderful marriage and a wonderful son and I would never leave either. Nor would I violate my marriage vows. Still, the strength and power and beauty and ease of our connection is undeniable and very unusual. I have visited this man annually for the past three years, just for a few days–stayed in a hotel, spent our time together mostly with my son and my mother, enjoyed each other’s company in the most chaste of ways…But now his wife forbids my visiting him–and I don’t even know why–nothing’s changed as far as I know–but he is allowing her prohibition to stand. This has happened before–and then she backed down–and then I went there–or he came here–and then the barrier came down again. It is as if I am “the other woman,” though I am “only” his dearest friend. But I just can’t continue to be so invested in someone whom I am forbidden to see–possibly forever. This prohibition on my seeing him makes me feel yucky and evil and makes me question his commitment to our friendship, though I know he loves me. And I love him. I always have and I always will. But I am in severe pain over this loss. Your article gave me some hope and also some strategies for coping. And also it is comforting to know that other people suffer in similar ways–and they survive–and they even become happy again–and the love continues. Perhaps that is the most hopeful thing I read, that the love continues. It is pure; it is good; it is forever and always. No prohibition can take it away. Thank you.

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  7. You’ve just put into words a whole bunch of feelings I’ve been struggling to understand and come to terms with.
    Your writing is comforting, uplifting, and just simply amazing.

    Like

    • Thank you, Kat, honestly the words don’t come “from” me but “through” me from God. This is not any sort of special ability or gift, it is humanity’s birthright. If ever you feel you need comfort and guidance simply ask for it from the bottom of your heart, and as the words flow into your mind write them down. That is exactly what I did.I’m so glad this helped you!

      Like

  8. I just want to say I am newbie to blogging and site-building and definitely savored this website. More than likely I’m going to bookmark your website . You definitely come with really good well written articles. Bless you for revealing your web site.

    Like

  9. Thank you so much for these words. I have read them several times in the past two days to get through my extremely challenging present. I find myself letting go of the man I love and who I felt with my whole being I was meant to marry. For many months I believed he felt the same. That is until last weekend when we had an unexpected heart to heart talk. Through our very honest conversation he admitted that he isn’t ready for marriage and kids and doesn’t know if he will ever be. He told me he really did think about marrying me, hoped he would be ready in a few years but realized he wasn’t anywhere near being ready. He has so much he wants to accomplish in his near future and isn’t ready to be responsible for someone else’s future. I was/am so heart-broken because I feel like I’m not only losing my love but also my best friend. I loved our life together; now it is gone. I’m also struggling with my lost confidence in my instincts – thinking about how could I be so wrong. While he and I are disentangling our lives, I find tremendous comfort in your words. They give me calming perspective even as I read them with tears. Again, thank you for your words.

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    • Dear One,

      First love yourself for your capacity to love and above all keep your heart open. You have a very pure soul and this is teaching you so much about self love. I am positive you the man you are meant to be with will appear in your life. In the meantime focus on your life purpose, what you LOVE to do, this will help accelerate your healing process so much faster!

      Sending you much love and hugs,
      Barbara

      Like

  10. I read this with tears in my eyes. Over two weeks ago I met a man in the most unusual circumstances. Within minutes of our meeting we connected. Within an hour I was kissing him and within a night I was in love. It was a powerful, beautiful force that brought us together again and again, even when what was happening between us was frightening. We couldn’t have enough of each other’s company or presence. The coincidences were astounding, our life stories had so many similarities, we loved the same things and on meeting each other the first night we promised we would dance under a rainbow created by a waterfall. It happened. There were so many signs that told us we were on the right path. People would look at us and smile at us or be inspired by us. One woman even told us our happiness made her happy. Another group of guys placed a flower on our car. A few days ago we came from a road trip together where we had spent 6 beautiful days together. It was magic. We admitted we were soulmates, we admitted to each other that we loved each other. We admitted that a force had pulled us together. However, our greatest fears had also been brought to the fore in our short time together. No matter how hard we tried to walk away from each other, we always came back. We couldn’t leave each other. Until Sunday when he told me he was going to go back to his home country and while he felt as I do, he didn’t want a commitment with me. I am cut. I am torn and heartbroken and sad. So many tears and horrible words have been said. I am so glad I found this website because I need to make sense of what has happened over two weeks and it has helped me. I feel incredible sadness and anger and pain. I haven’t spoken to him in days and its agonising. I have no idea if he has left for his home country. I have no idea where he is and I cannot reach him. I needed to understand what a soulmate connection is and Barbara you have explained it to me. He would like us to remain in each others’ lives as best friends without emotional or sexual commitment. I am now forced to say goodbye. I am lost but I hope one day I will feel better. I pray everyday.

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    • Dear Jabu,

      I PROMISE you the tears, heartache, raw soul shredding agony and pain WILL recede. Each day, you will adjust a little more at a time. Focus on why you are in this life – create, even a song, or anything from this experience. Allow life to unfold and ultimately you will see how much stronger this experience has made you.
      I send you lots of love – keep going forward for YOU!

      Heart Hugs,
      Barbara

      Like

  11. Just read this to try move through a big pain barrier my ex is having a baby with someone else but we still love each other from five years. I have to accept its over even though my heart aches. I trust the universe will send him love and all the best. and I hope one day the universe brings him
    Back to me :) thanks for this article it does ease the pain

    Like

  12. Dr. Rose, With all my heart… Thank you for sharing this. I have a person in my life that is very dear to me. He has not read this, but I will be forwarding your site to him. It will definitely help me in whatever amount of time we spend apart and I hope that it will help him, as well. I realized that we do consider each other ‘pure love.’ Again, thank you. I am so happy to have stumbled upon this. Your words found exactly what I have tried to say and understand for myself for so long.

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  13. Thank you for your loving words full of wisdom. It reminded me that pure love lies behind everything. It brings me more inner peace and caring words that bring my heart at ease in moments of doubt. Your work has truly touched me. Best, Biljana

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  14. Thank you for all you have shared, your insight, thoughts and feelings. Your article on how do I say good bye to someone I love has inspired me to look deeper, live in the Now and reconnect with my intuition. I cannot thank you enough :)

    Like

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