By Barbara Rose, PhD
50 Reasons to Leave Skid Marks (Just one is reason enough to run fast!)
1. Either of you is married and not completely available.
2. The other is an active alcoholic or drug user, using substances regularly to avoid feelings.
3. You see the first sign of physical or mental abuse: put downs, degrading comments, pushing, shoving, or hitting.
4. The other person says he does not want to be in a relationship.
5. You are not taken on dates and courted.
6. You are a “friend with benefits.”
7. You are called for last minute get-togethers and rarely go out on dates.
8. You’re not allowed to express your feelings and are labeled emotional.
9. There is no clear, genuine communication.
10. You feel as if you are walking on eggshells to accommodate the other person.
11. The other person rarely, if ever, lets you know he can be counted on.
12. After six months, you do not know the other person’s family or friends.
13. Your relationship is kept secret.
14. After having been physically intimate with you for weeks or months, the other person no longer allows sexual relations.
15. After expressing love for you, he takes back what he said.
16. You rarely go places or do things together.
17. You have vastly different views about life.
18. Your spiritual or religious preferences are not honored and respected.
19. The other person tries to change you.
20. After intimacy, you are treated like a stranger.
21. You are put down in front of other people.
22. You are stood up for a date or plans.
23. Plans are repeatedly broken and not reset for another time.
24. You are sexually abused.
25. He speaks badly behind the backs of other people he is “seeing.”
26. Just about every other woman in his life is “just a friend” (that he slept with previously).
27. You are referred to as “someone I know.”
28. There is no physical chemistry or passion in bed.
29. You cannot talk to him about anything.
30. If you have a misunderstanding, he ends your relationship rather than talking it out.
31. You never go on any sort of vacation or getaway with him.
32. You are not acknowledged on special occasions and holidays.
33. You are threatened in any manner.
34. Your relationship has all kinds of restrictions and boundaries that prevent intimacy.
35. After a few years you still do not share a life together or a genuine monogamous relationship.
36. He lets you know about the other people he is having sex with (to see if you get jealous).
37. He plays games with your feelings and tries to manipulate you.
38. He cuts off communication when you are trying to discuss something that bothers you.
39. He tells you to find someone else. (Do that!)
40. He can be intimate with you only if he is drunk or high.
41. The relationship is off balance and one-sided, to suit his needs, without reciprocation.
42. Your personal growth is not honored.
43. He tries to control your finances and tells you what you can and cannot spend.
44. You have a telephone or Internet relationship and rarely get together in person.
45. No effort is made to see you in person regularly.
46. He goes out without you and calls you when he gets home in the middle of the night, but he rarely takes you out.
47. He refuses to talk openly about where you stand with each other.
48. He breaks up or stops contact with you repeatedly, and refuses to communicate openly, honestly, and authentically.
49. He makes it clear to you that you are “just friends” after you have been intimate.
50. Weeks go by without hearing from him at all.
Take a good look at both of the lists. Which one describes your relationship? Do you see it written all over the pages? This list points to a string along relationship. The One has the first list.
You are The One.
Excerpt re-printed with permission from the book Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE © Copyright 2005, 2011 by Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved Published by The Rose Group (April, 2005) ISBN-10:0974145742 ISBN-13:978-0974145747.